to the new one, the lurker, the regular and the old timer

Posted bycasey coombsPosted inToo lazy to label.

I’ve noticed many people quitting lately. I’ve come across boxes of business cards from conferences that happened years ago and realized many of these people aren’t around anymore. Well, I’m sure the people are around, but their online persona has disappeared. Dozens of more people show up everyday and it makes me even more desperate to reach out to the people who have been here from the beginning…Angela, Colleen, Chrysta, Bree, Brittany, Sarah, Beth, Shannon, Dawn, Mandy…I know you all by name and seeing your email address in my inbox is a constant comfort to me that things haven’t changed that much and that people do stick around.

I’ve realized that while I have been plodding away with all of this because it is so much of who I am, I have been doing it with blinders. Unless something or someone stands right in front of me and says “LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS.” I often miss it. It’s not that I don’t care, because I genuinely do, there are just some days it feels like such a fight to keep going myself. No matter how long you have been around chances are you have noticed a change. People are commenting less, reading less, clicking through less…but they certainly aren’t caring less. I have kept all of this up because first and foremost it is for me, for my girls, for my own emotional health. In all of the surviving I have been doing over the last several years I feel as though I am suddenly coming out of a dense fog surrounded by thousands of new voices and I’m convinced that each of them is more talented, more resonating and more entertaining than my own. Five years ago I would have felt an overwhelming desire to quit. Today I’m grateful to still be numbered among them, noticed on occasion and I will be eternally grateful that I have been able to help a handful of them.

I know there are things I need to upgrade and update. All this mobile theme talk…mine is practically non existent. Photos don’t show up. *shrugs* Not everyone cares that my site is easily navigated on the latest and greatest phone. They care that I show up on occasion and that I continue to fight through the difficulties I’ve been dealt.

That’s what I care about too.

Technically speaking the tools I’m using to put my words out into the world are outdated and certainly not geared towards prime traffic or major exposure. But my heart, my heart has grown on these virtual pages. I feel as thought I don’t belong to much of anything and yet I have been blessed to be a part of everything. I know so many of you. I wish I knew so many more of you. Writing has become the infrastructure that holds me up through the darkness. It may not be eloquent, properly punctuated or executed but they are all tiny threads that combine into one unbreakable rope that keeps me upright.

To those of you who are just starting to find your feet on this path so many of us have been on for so long? Welcome, I hope you find all the joy and wonder I have found in my time here. I’m grateful to be here with you. To be counted among you as part of this social network that has brought us together like never before. Nothing should be scary anymore, nothing should be impossible because suddenly we have access to thousands of men and women who have been were we are or are headed where we too are going.

I know people are still out there reading…the numbers tell me they are. Even if they weren’t I would still keep writing because maybe someday someone will stumble across them when they need them most. Like Hande in Turkey who is pregnant and scared. Or Vinessa who is going through invasive treatments to get her baby here. Or Erin who is scared that her mental illness may pass on to the children that she too is so desperately trying to get here as well.

Six years ago I sat down and thought “I’m going to start a blog. If Heather can do it, so can I. And maybe one day I too will make someone laugh until they pee or feel until they cry.”

I never imagined I would have landed here.

Keep it up, whatever your part is here on the Internet, because you matter. You matter to me. From the lurkiest reader to the most engaged, from my very pregnant best friend I talk to daily to the girl I hugged that one time in an elevator.

You matter.

(Yes, you…what you have to say matters.)

eight months-9929

Completely unrelated, a photo of my very chubby baby pinching her own pinchable parts and poking her bellybutton.

It just feels strange not to include a picture when I have so many.

155 thoughts on “to the new one, the lurker, the regular and the old timer”

  1. As a more recent lurker (I can’t remember how I found you – but I love your writing and spent about 3 hours reading past entries!) I am thankful that you’ve stuck with it. Had I found you when I was struggling with infertility, your words would have resonated deeply. But – now that you have your sweet babe (and I’m expecting #2), I love sharing in the mommy moments.

    Completely unrelated – how do you like the BG Artist prints? I’ve heard that they leak where the artist’s label is sewn on the back. But! They are adorable! (And what on earth is that adorable polka dot diaper also shown?)

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    1. @evsmarie, Congrats on #2! I’ve never noticed leaking at the labels (and I paid super close attention today for you!) The polka dot thing is a Bebe au Lait hooded towel. Love it.

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  2. I adore your blog. I do not comment a lot (anywhere, really) – but I have been thrilled the few times you have commented on mine! I think your writing and your photographs and your family are just beautiful. xo

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  4. I think it’s so awesome and strange that so many of us started our blogs within weeks of each other but it took so long to finally find each other. Anyway, girl, I’m still on Blogger and you know, several months ago they contacted me and told me thank you for still sticking around after so many bloggers moved on to other platforms. LOL!! Mainly it’s because I’m afraid and also lazy. And it works. It gets my words out there. So glad we have it.

    Love you

    Steph

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  5. I just started reading your blog about 6 months ago and I love it. I used to be super into healthy living blogs but since becoming a Mom it’s nice to read blogs that I can relate to. Plus your writing is beautiful and your kids are too. That picture is great!

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  6. My blog crush on you gets bigger and bigger every day, Casey.I love that you’re you for you and your family. I love your blog just the way it is. I think you’re the one that’s got it exactly right-you’re doing all of this to find your happy place, and the rest of it- the recognition, the love, money, whatever- comes as it may.

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  7. I am normally a lurker as well but wanted to say today that THIS blog is one of what I use in my head as an example of what I want my blog to be…and with or without my own blog I would be here daily.
    I can’t resist seeing all the squishy parts you show us 😉

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    1. @Penny, Me too!!!! I absolutely adore your blog, Casey. I aspire to be able to put my thoughts and feelings into words like you do. Don’t change a thing. You blog is perfect just the way it is…and so are you!

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  9. You left a comment on my (very new) blog that I so desperately needed.

    Casey, I’ve poured over your past posts about depression just hoping that I can find a tether to grab onto to help pull myself out of *this* darkness. Your comment yesterday literally scooped me out of the deepest darkest hole I’ve ever been in.

    I appreciate you so much for sharing and for caring. (cheesy, I know) Know that you’re making a difference in this very BIG world.

    Love you.

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    1. @Stefanie, What you said, I’ve so been there. Trying so hard to stay afloat but wanting to just collapse under the weight of everything. I’m so happy I came upon the post that I did and I know it will help plenty of others.
      xo

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  10. I’m a not-so-recent-reader, very-frequent-lurker, and all-around-Casey fan. I guess sometimes I feel awkward about commenting because I don’t have babies, but your writing resonates with me in so many other ways. I struggled pretty heavily with depression about 18 months ago and only just recently have been able to truly say “I’m happy now” and mean it. Your posts on depression, jealousy and struggling with something out of control, and staying in the moment resonate more than you ever know. You’re a refreshing voice in a world full of noise, so thank you for that.

    On another note, I really enjoy reading about your girls. Addie is growing up to be quite the awesome young lady, and Vivi? Nom-city! I’m so happy she picked you to be her mom – Vivi & I share the same birthday and my mom is also a fabulous Taurus lady (I give a wee bit of merit to astrology), so I know how special that bond is. Vivi is indeed a very lucky baby, as is Addie to have you for a mom.

    So, anyways, lots of rambling, but here’s to coming out of lurker-ville in 2012. Love your blog!

    Have a wonderful day! XOXO.

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    1. @Nikki, Thank you Nikki, I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing better, it hits me so hard when I hear about someone not doing well. I just want to scoop them up and make it all better even though I know I can’t.
      I love these little girls and am thankful everyday that I get to be in charge of them.

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  12. I haven’t known you from the start, but I’ve known you from MY start. You’ve gone from “Hey, she’s from Indy! I want to know her!” To someone I’ve met, shared Greek food and Just Dance with. I’m horrible w/ commenting only because I sometimes feel I have nothing intelligent to say – but now that I know you better I always watch for what you’re doing and saying. I’m glad that blogging helped me find you and all the other GeekGirls – otherwise I don’t know where I’d be today!

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      1. @Casey,

        I’m up for Greek food and dancing any day! There is never enough of either!

        I’ve missed out on the past few GeekGirls parties b/c of crazy holiday-ness…but I’m hoping there’s another one soon!! I miss getting out with my girls!

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  13. Very well written, and I thank you for your words. My first year anniversary of blogging is coming up and I am so happy to say that I have enjoyed it. Too bad I didn’t start it five years ago, but there are reasons for everything. It was the perfect time for me to have started when I did.

    P.S. I appreciate the time you took in talking with me last week. I love you and am so glad that we found each other again via Facebook! LOVE YOU GIRL!

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  16. Hi Casey! I recently de-lurked to you on twitter and I just wanted to comment and say that I’ve loved your blog for a long time. I’m just beginning to let my guard down on my own blog and am grateful for bloggers like you who make me feel so welcome. Thank you for that. I hope you have a great day!

    P.s. I did get new slippers for Christmas. Hooray!

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  17. Well, I’m still here. I love your blog. I’m here because I relate to your words and I feel them. That’s what keeps me coming back to blogs. I have to feel a connection.

    Also? We shared like 3.5 hours on a plane together. I couldn’t believe my luck that you were forced to talk to me for that amount of time 🙂

    Before BlogHer I admired your writing but then I met you and you were just as genuine in person. That keeps me coming back too.

    Now, I can honestly say I want to quit my blog at least two times a month. It is difficult to see so many bloggers I read becoming bigger and better. And after 5 years, I can’t even get people to subscribe to mine.

    I know that’s not what is important. I write about deep dark secrets on my blog and a few people come and always read and always support me. That’s what is important.

    You know I want to be a freelance writer. I have to believe this will happen for me someday too. I’m chasing that dream no matter what my blog stats are.

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    1. @molly, I’m so glad you came up to me in the airport and that we were able to have that time before all of the craziness in San Diego. It’s so big out here, on the Internet, it’s finding those few that mean everything that does matter.

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  18. I’m a lurker and occasional comment-er (and stalker of your Flickr, simply because Vivi and Addie pictures make my husband and I both melt, LOL).

    Some days you need to hear that someone is listening. That someone is reading. I hope this message reaches someone who needs to hear it, including you, knowing that no one is alone, especially with the internet around.

    *hugs*

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  19. Casey, I’ve been reading you since there were only like 20 posts on this blog! I read about your struggles with infertility while my husband and myself were starting our battle with it. I sang with joy the day you announced that Vivi was coming, and you were one of the first people I told when I found out in August that we are expecting, finally, after 2.5 years of struggle. I have no blog, I have no twitter, so it’s hard to know you read what I write to you… but I like to think that you do. I like to think that you know just how much your blog has meant to me over the years, and if it doesn’t, well I’m de-lurking once again to thank you. Thank you for being real.

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  20. I’m mostly a lurker, simply because I read at work and don’t usually have the ability to click through and comment… Also, as someone who blogged 4-5 years ago, left, and just recently came back, I do see the difference in the landscape these days – but I totally agree that the amount of caring is still the same!

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  22. It’s funny you should write this post, because I was just thinking the other day that after four years of blogging, yours is pretty much the only site that I’ve been subscribed to since the beginning. Your stories and your photos keep me coming back. The blog doesn’t make the person, the person makes the blog.

    Ahh, baby chub! Feel free to keep that coming, haha.

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  23. I’m a lurker, but had to comment on the adorable photo. I love love love that diapers (its my favorite in my daughter’s stash!). I also love love love that she is pinching her chub (I have a chubby baby and rolls are my weakness). Carry on 🙂

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  24. I am in your blog shrubs right now.

    no, no, I’m not.

    just a friend up in the mitten waiting for tulip time when i can see you again. and you can meet the charlie.

    thank you for always writing words. they were some of the first I read in this ‘sphere o blog…and I am still here after almost five years of blogging, so that is something, yes?

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  25. Thank you for writing this. I often feel like I really have nothing to say that anyone will actually care about, since I’m not one of the “big” bloggers. But I still like writing my little stories, sharing my thoughts, and throwing out some pictures anyway. If nothing else, I like to look back and see what I thought or had to say.

    That picture above is absolutely hilarious! 🙂

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  27. I almost quit a few weeks ago. Instead I decided to just be real and share what I hadn’t been sharing. It’s made all the difference in the world. I’ve re-found my love for writing again. I’m so glad I didn’t shut down, but I do understand how it happens.

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  30. I am a lurker, but I adore your writing. I often re-read your posts. Sometimes I just pick a point in time and read around.

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  31. Long time lurker… occasional commenter… I can’t even remember how long I’ve been reading your blog, but I do know I have told many people about you. It must feel kinda weird to know that people all over the world say “I know this wonderful gal named Casey” even when we don’t really technically know you, we know about you and your life and your ups and downs. I’ve referenced you, I’ve sought guidence from your blog, I’ve felt sorry for you, I’ve felt happy for you, but most of all… I’ve envied you. Not in that jealous cat fight way, but in a “wish I had that life” kinda way and a “wish I could write like her” kinda way. You are definitely an inspiration to many many people out there so I’m happy that you refuse to change or give it up. Old, New, Borrowed or Blue you have a story to help everyone that stumbles upon you.
    Keep doing what you’re doing!

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    1. @Shannon, You’re super kind Shannon, and thank you. One of my favorite parts of the Internet is when I do meet people we can just pick up as though we have been friends our whole life. Thanks for sticking around, coming back and supporting me.

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  32. I have only sorta quit. I am still reading and thinking about writing. But, I am feeling that as my kids have gotten older that and my “me” time has gotten shorter, that I needed to be more present.

    And I didn’t like feeling pressure to keeping up with the commenting on all my friends’ blogs. And the funny thing, is, since I have allowed myself that, I find commenting as less of a “job” and more of commenting because I really really want to. And maybe I will be back to writing. But, for now, it is right for me right now.

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    1. @Inthefastlane, I totally get that, some days it just feels good to wander around, find new places, leave supportive comments. Other times I have so much to write there isn’t enough time. It is hard to write as kids get older…for so many reasons.

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  33. I love your blog and your words…your honesty and your heart…and I love how I came across this today because I needed it. Badly. I nearly ditched my blog this week because I started getting sucked into comparing my work with others and the whole blogging/mommy blogging world…was feeling pressure about my writing style, content, my blog’s design…(sigh) I had to go back and think about what’s important to me and why I’m writing. It’s for me, for my emotional and mental health yes, but it’s also for other women, other people who need to know they aren’t alone. I’m so grateful I read this piece…I’m encouraged to keep going. Thank you for saying this.

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    1. @A’Driane, I hate feeling that pressure, I’m not sure anyone is immune to it. Take a break. Come back to it when it feels right, and when you do you’ll wonder why you ever left.
      Or at least that’s what’s happened with me.

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  35. The use of that picture of Vivi is kind of unfair because I’m thinking all these deep thoughts because of your well-written post and then just end up giggling at the end at the cuteness that is Vivi. Insert sigh of happy here.

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  36. Thank you for writing this. I’m a faithful Babble reader, and have lurked around your personal blog for a few weeks now. I think what drew me to your blog was your fantastic writing, and being a fellow Hoosier (born and raised in Indy!)
    I actually started a blog of my own recently, because I have become a stay at home mother. I hope my blog will help me organize my thoughts and archive my memories, as well as help me grow as a writer.
    As of right now, my readers consist of me and a few of my family members and friends…and I’m okay with that. I have not been brave enough to share my blog with others, but maybe someday I will find the courage to.

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    1. @Heather, Hoosiers unite! My friend was just in an article about stay at home moms who blog being happier about life since they have more interaction than ones who do not.
      When you’re ready to ‘come out’ let me know. 🙂

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  38. What’s weird, and maybe a little sad, is that I’ve only ever known this quiet side of social networking, of blogging, of not commenting. To me, that’s normal. I see that there is this giant community. I hear about all the wonderful stories of people helping people. But I don’t…feel it.

    I think that’s okay. I think it’s okay because I still believe in it. I know that people who need help can get help. I know that people that have talents are sharing them.

    And yes, sometimes I do wish I was on the receiving end of all that….love, of all of the good that I can see and hear. But even when I am not, even when it feels like my words are going unread and they have just faded into the black hole of the internet, I see that someone else has been heard. I see that someone else is right where I am, or was, or may some day find myself. And it’s okay. It still seems worth it. Because in the end, knowing that it’s *not* just for me, that all of this is not something I solely benefit from, that’s much better.

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    1. @Rylee, The quiet side can be just as powerful as the loud noisy side…because the quiet side doesn’t come with all the extra drama and meanies. There are times I wish my side were a little more quiet…but the grass…greener…cliche.
      You matter. Promise.

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  39. For so long I lurked and boy am I am so glad I finally spoke up! I’m hoping to keep doing so more. And for the record, I still laugh at myself over how starstruck (blogger-struck?) I was when I actually got to meet you and Vivi 🙂

    Keep on doing what you’re doing…cuz it rocks!

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  41. Yes. Yes. YES.
    I write like nobody’s reading. Because first and foremost, my site is FOR ME. If someone else nods in agreement, or has a “me too” moment, I am over-the-moon. But, yes, that’s how I deal with fewer comments and feedback. I know it’s for me…feedback is just gravy 😉

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  42. Your post really hit home for me. I just started a blog myself. Its for me and my sanity. My outlet, my space.

    I love reading your blog – it is insightful, funny, and like a warm, cozy sweater on a cold day. I come here to feel uplifted. And, damn, if those babies of yours are not the cutest things!

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  43. I’ve been around awhile and I’ve noticed the same thing… more traffic, but less commenting. Sad.
    I love all your writing, but I guess I only comment when I feel like I have something to say. Maybe I should change that…
    Love all the baby pics too! 🙂

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    1. @Krista, I blame people reading from mobile devices and readers…things have changed with how we have to read blogs and what’s most important is we’re participating, even if it isn’t with comments.

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  44. I am pretty sure that only like 5 people read my blog. But that’s okay… I am not trying to be Dooce or The Pioneer Woman… I can’t. In my heart, though, I am a writer. And I need a place to write. Your blog has inspired me, and I think it’s wonderful. I’m glad you’re not going anywhere.

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  45. LOL The timing of this post is just to perfect. I have been seriously considering blogging again, but have been (up until your post) really wishy-washy. Thanks for the kick in the pants. 🙂

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  47. I love your blog! It is real. And I like real. : ) I have a very small mommy blog that I rarely get comments on. But I do it because I know 2, 5 or even 10 years down the road I will be able to laugh and maybe cry at some of the events that have transpired. I also hope one day my kids will want to look at the pictures and read the stories about them. It keeps me writing. And it is a great outlet…even if nobody ever reads it again. Keep writing and I will keep reading!

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  49. ***verklempt***

    I can’t believe you actually mentioned me by name!!!

    Casey, you made it okay for me to talk about my own depression. You made me realize that staying inside my hole doesn’t help anyone. And that being super open about it when I am well can be especially helpful for those around me who may be struggling, but haven’t yet come to an acceptance of the disease they live with.

    I did quit commenting so much, partly because I finally figured out how to subscribe to blogs so that I wouldn’t miss anything, but now I read them in Google Reader instead of on the actual blog.

    Also partly because you’re doing so well lately that I figure I can sit back and just let you enjoy it. When you’re having a rough time, I feel more compelled to let you know that I’m rooting for you, but maybe I shouldn’t restrict myself that way.

    Also too? Now that we’re FB friends I see you all the time, and I’m sure you see wayyyyyy too much of me! I have a blog that I use sometimes, but I like FB as a medium because I’m really only entertaining in short bursts. 🙂

    All that to say, I love you Casey. Keep writing. ❤

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      1. @Casey, That wasn’t fair. Now you made me cry for real. And I don’t cry. Not unless I’ve had no sleep for at least 48 hours or am borderline psychotic.

        If you’re ever in the DC area (well, at least for the next three years – we ARE in the Army) come stay at my house. I’ll make you Starbucks hot chocolate with whole milk and a little heavy cream on top. (Tried that the other night and it rocked my world. You need some.)

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  50. Thank you for writing, Casey. The words that you have used to describe your depression and anxiety have given me the words that I needed to say to my family and friends to help them “get” what was “wrong” with me.
    Thank you.

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