i am…

Posted bycasey coombsPosted ininfertility, pregnancy

Addie will almost be six and a half.

Cody and I will have been married a decade.

It has been almost a year since I became at peace with it never happening again.

so...

I’ve become that story I hated so much “Well I know this girl who tried for five years, she finally gave up and it happened.”

I know the physical ache that this has caused some of you to feel. Oh, how I know. And I hate that I caused it.

I’m no longer allowed to sit with the infertiles, even though I was a spokesperson and card carrying member for years. However I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to take my place on the other side either…I’m listening too closely for the shoe to drop.

Turns out that getting pregnant after so long comes with a whole new deluge of emotions. Ones I didn’t see coming. Ones even fewer people understand, let alone talk about.

Ones I’m in therapy for.

I’m done choking on all these emotions silently. Because I know if I’m choking? There’s hundreds more of you out there choking as well. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, I hate feeling alone. And if I have to be the first one to say it? Then so be it.

I am finally pregnant after almost five years of secondary infertility, and I’m scared.

I also know somewhere deep down inside there’s a reason people keep having babies and there’s a reason people get so excited at the announcement of a new pregnancy.

I’m going to have to go off that knowledge, and off your excitement until I’m there too.

413 thoughts on “i am…”

  9. You SO DESERVE this joy and blessing after all you’ve been through and the long journey you’ve walked. My children are four years apart, due to the endometriosis curse and the Lupron, etc and they are both amazing human beings. So happy for you and your family. Love and hugs,
    Tricia

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  15. Woohoo! Congrats! I know exactly how you feel, believe me. I am 23 weeks pregnant at the moment after 2 years of trying. Those first few weeks are a doozy. I know. Who am I kidding? I just had an ultrasound last week and I was still nervous that all would be well (after already having one 4 weeks prior). It is easing a bit, the worry and all, but just know you aren’t alone, you aren’t crazy, and I really think it is normal.

    I wasn’t sure how much of it was waiting for so long and it finally happening verses being older this go around and knowing all that could go wrong. Ignorance is truly bliss in pregnancy! I have a daughter that will turn 9 next month. I was 24 while pregnant with her. Boy how things were different! haha.

    Anyway, I am truly happy for you. Take it one day at a time and remember that those days will turn into weeks and those weeks will turn into months. I hope all is well and you stay healthy and happy!

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  18. The thing going through my head reading this is “good things come to those who wait.” You deserve this joy to add to your family and circle of love. Congratulations!

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  22. Congratulations! Wishing you a pregnancy full of only happiness, excitement, and ease.

    Can the world really handle another insanely cute, curly headed, angel face? We just might burst from the sheer beauty of it.

    -Abby

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  27. YAY!!!!! I cannot tell you how thrilled I am for you, Casey!!! When I saw that picture, I think I squealed in a way that frightened my husband. And at 28 weeks pregnant here, my belly is oh-so-joyful for yours. Congrats to you and your entire Moosh crew!

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  29. OH MY GOSH!!! I am crying big ugly mascara streaking tears of joy for you right here at my desk. Congratulations Casey, God knows you SO deserve it!!

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  40. I just yelled OH MY GOSH at my desk, at work! And everyone thought I was nuts, lol. YEAHHHHH! So excited for your family and cannot wait to read about it!! 🙂

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  41. Wait. What? You’re pregnant? With Moosh 2.0?? OMG OMG OMG I am thrilled for you. Thrilled beyond measure, tears rolling down my face, thanking God, thrilled. I can be thrilled enough for the both of us until you are thrilled too. Blessings!

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  42. Happy sighs for you…

    This is how I felt when I got pregnant with Eddie. We had tried. He was try number 3. I THOUGHT I would be thrilled. Thrilled didn’t happen until about a month ago. When he was 13 months old. So there is that.

    But thrilled? It will come. It just takes time.

    In the meantime? The rest of us will fill up your world with joy.

    Because we love you and support you.

    a lot.

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