you are not.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted indepression

You are not the only one who spends all day in bed, wakes up ten minutes before your significant other gets home and plows through the house attempting to give them some semblance of your productivity.

You are not the only one who hates taking that pill everyday.

You are not the only one who stops taking your medication because you hate what it does to you and why can’t you just feel normal on your own?

You are not the only one for whom medication does not work.

You are not the only one who has spent an inordinate amount of money in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

You are not the only one who wants a hug from your husband without him attempting to make a move on you.

You are not the only one with a significant other who just doesn’t get it.

You are not the only one that wants to crawl back in bed instead of walking with your kids to the park on a sunny day.

You are not the only one who wants to kick puppies and wield stabby objects when someone suggests you “pray harder” or “have more faith.”

You are not the only one who has gone into a shouty rage when asked “Did you remember to take your medication?”

You are not the only one that is afraid to write about your feelings on the Internet.

You are not the only one who worries how other people will perceive your so called “weaknesses.”

You are not the only one who spent years self medicating with alcohol.

You are not the only one who regrets their children on the bad days.

You are not the only one with a family who doesn’t understand “what the hell’s wrong with you and why on earth can’t you just get over it already?”

You are not the only one who cries at silly things all the time.

You are not the only one who is tired all the time.

You are not the only one who never wants to have the sex.

You are not the only one who doesn’t want to have more children because you’re just not sure you could handle going through post partum again.

You are not the only one who has been in a hospital for depression.

You are also not the only one who has considered if a stay in the hospital wouldn’t be just what you needed.

You are not the only one who worries about passing this disease down to your children.

You are not the only one who feels this way.

But you know what you are?

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

And if you keep insisting that you are for the sake of your own pride?

You are not going to get better.

God didn’t put billions of people on the planet for us to only take care of ourselves.

106 thoughts on “you are not.”

  1. This is so true. When I was diagnosed (offically, I knew I was for years before) I didn’t know anyone who had depression. My brother is bi-polar but lived so far away that I really didn’t see what that did. The only exposure I had to mental illness was that of my ex-brother in law who was so abusive when off his meds that it ended his marriage.
    I was scared.
    It has been 13 years now (am I really that old?) and I am so grateful for the MANY people I know who struggle and assure me that I am not alone.
    You are one of them.

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  5. I don’t think I’ll ever understand what you are going through, but despite our differences I understand what you are saying. I can’t stand next to you in this, but I can stand behind you.

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  10. What a good post. I need to read this. Today and tomorrow and again in a few week and then a few months. I’m feeling very alone right now, but it’s true – I’m not, and my silence will only perpetuate the problem.

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  14. Thank you.

    I favorited this earlier on twitter to show my husband once I had a chance. I just asked him to read it – typical stupid response.

    Sigh.

    Why can’t others understand?

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  15. Thank you.

    I recently admitted to my husband that I am depressed. I have been for a long time. I know I might need to go to the doctor and actually get something to help. It’s just hard.

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  19. ok. gulp. huge step. i’m not going to do this anonymously like i usually do here.

    i needed this desperately today. i have had one of those days when i wish i could have remained under the covers crying my eyes out. for no reason. for every reason. just because my brain and heart are conspiring against me in that cruel way that even my meds can’t control sometimes.

    and in case i haven’t told you recently…you are amazing.

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  23. Just sending innocent HUGS your way. Nice long ones with nothing required from you, but to enjoy being held.

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  24. Stop reading my mind. I mean it.

    When I was (finally) diagnosed with depression at age 16, my dad told me “We might as well send you to the funny farm.”

    I know better now, but sometimes it still feels that way.

    Yesterday I went out in my backyard so my boys wouldn’t hear mommy sobbing. I really needed this post. Thank you.

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  26. WOW! I am so glad I stumbled upon your post. I hope you don’t mind if I link to it. It’s really powerful and affirming/comforting to know that others feel this way and I want to share this message with my readers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Blessings, Amber

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  27. I read this last night, and tears sprang to my eyes. Three weeks ago, I finally took the leap & went to see my doctor. I finally admitted what was going on with me, I just thought my anxiety was out of control, and I knew depression was there, it had been creeping up on me. It took a blow out with my husband and the knowledge that I no longer wanted to live like I was. She listened, she talked, she encouraged and then she pinpointed the problem with such accuracy that I crumbled in her office. She wrote the prescription and it helps, I’m a whole new person (right now, at least). She also gave me the number for a counselor. The number, has been uncalled. I know I have to call it, I know I need to schedule that appointment, but I just can’t seem to do it. The nagging from my family has not made me do it. Next week I see my dr again, and she’s going to ask and I know I can’t lie to her. Why can’t I just schedule the stupid appointment? I hate this part.

    Sorry for the ramble. But it’s partially because of you, Casey, your honesty, your willingness to put yourself out there that I was able to finally see myself. Thank you. Thank you so very much from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.

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  28. I need you to remember that I am not the only one who thinks you are fantastic and talented and beautiful (inside and out). I am not the only one who counts myself blessed because you are my friend. And I am not the only one who is here if you need someone (however, I may be the only one who has had a naked, wet kid parade around your house and emotionally scar your husband.) I love you tons and tons and gallons and buckets.

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  29. Thank you Casey. just because far too many of those sound familiar. And, I could add a few of my own. Thank you for letting there be someplace this isn’t some shameful secret. Sending you hugs from the surface of the sun.

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  30. I don’t comment often, but I read daily. The reason that I read is for things like this. Than you for being real. Let’s face it, this is the internet, and you could put whatever you wanted here. You have made a choice to be real, even when real isn’t pretty. I thank you for your honesty, your sensitivity and your sencerity. I needed this today.

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  36. Hit the nail on the head with way too many of these in my life.

    Thank you for the time and effort this took. I know that blogging about depression was one of the most difficult blogs I ever wrote.

    And there are so many I just didn’t write because I was just too tired of explaining to someone who stared back in confusion and still judged me.

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  38. I am all these things.
    I have been so glad you have been posting so much during the last month. I have really been struggling lately, and being able to read your posts everyday and know it’s not just me has helped. I went back on the meds last week, so hopefully something will start to change soon.

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  39. I cannot even begin to tell you how much your post reminds me of myself. My depression gets me down so low I am crippled by it. I feel as though I cannot do anything. Thus, my blog that is great need of an overhaul. I feel I cannot write about my true feelings on my blog because the depression is always in the way. I think “What is the point, who wants to read about this?” You write about your depression in a way that makes it o.k. I,too, hope to one write about my depression. By writing about my feelings, I hope I will be able to get to those happy places others write about. At this point I cannot.
    Thanks for your post,
    Stephanie

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  40. Balancing on the edge of the chasm, trying to ignore it screaming my name, feeling oh-so-alone, and then this.

    Thank you.

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  43. I think everyone feels all of these things, to various degrees, sometimes. I’m glad you are able to recognize those things. None of us are alone, there is always someone else out there going through something similar, or something worse, and they aren’t alone either.

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  47. I had a very, very, very, dark day yesterday. I wish I could have gotten up the strength to even come to the computer. Glad to read this today as I dig myself out and start anew. Loves.

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  49. AMEN and amen to this post.

    I named my depression Estelle–the Crazylady that lives in my brain. I even have a picture of her that I have framed sitting in my kitchen window.

    The internet makes me feel less alone when Estelle comes to visit. Which is far to often lately.

    Thanks for your honesty and thanks for talking about it at CBC.

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