starting over.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted inToo lazy to label.

Even though Cody and I have been married for over eight years we consider ourselves starting over.

Starting over with a new life, new goals and a new appreciation for each other.

This is where I get to gag all of you with romance.

On the day we started over Cody started a blog. A private blog meant just for me, where he writes to me, whatever he wants whenever he wants. And it means the world to me because I have all of these words from him to me in one place that I can read anytime as long as I have a wireless signal.

He also took me to the place where he proposed to me at almost nine years ago and he proposed again. One knee and everything. But the ring meant something different this time. Instead of wearing it on my finger where I wear the ring he gave me nine years ago I wear it around my neck, some of you have already noticed it. And in his own words this is what the ring means: (reposted with his permission.)

Here is what the ring means: (1) it is small and simple and represents my priorities in life from now on. Not that I view my devotion to you as small and simple, but that my priorities are no longer complex involving personal selfish goals. I got lost in trying to get you the material things in the world. I focused so much on school and work that at some point my reasoning for working so hard at both changed from being for your good, to doing well to meet unimportant personal goals. I will not ever forget that everything I do now, is for your benefit because you are my priority. Everything I do from now on will begin with the question, “how is this going to make me a better husband, and is this truly best for my wife.” (2) The diamond in the middle represents the goal of our marriage. I did not want to get a straight gold band, I wanted it to have a diamond at the center. The ring portion represents two paths that lead to one diamond. That diamond is our goal and we each take a path towards that goal. The goal is eternal life together. It is so important that we, together, get back to the temple. If I cannot stand to lose you in this life, how can I stand to lose you in the next? (3) Finally, the ring is to be worn on a necklace as a symbol of my love for you. I want it close to your heart so that you will never forget that I love you. I want you to take the time to thread the ring on the necklace. As the ring hangs on your necklace where it was not designed to hang, I want you to feel the ring hang there. I want you to see it hanging on the necklace as you see yourself in the mirror. I want other people to see the ring on your necklace and ask you about its meaning. I want you to tell other people how you got the ring and what it means. I want you to worry about the ring not slipping off your necklace as you come home and take off the necklace. I screwed up and did not treat you right. I let you wonder whether I truly loved you. Never again. You will know I love you everyday for the rest of your life. That’s what the ring means. I love you lady.

my necklace.

I don’t write this to brag, or to gag you all on all this loooove that I’m floating around in. I write it because back in February Jen Lancaster said “I like to write about things with an ending, things that are resolved.”

This whole experience is in no way over, but part of resolving this is talking about it. I thought my life and my marriage were over, when in reality it’s just starting to get good.

There’s too much divorce, hate and unhappiness in this world. I’d like to think if we fight a little harder for what we believe in there would be a whole lot less ugly out there.

This is why I share all of this. I never expected to be here. If my experience can give hope to even one broken heart out there then I’ve done more than I could have ever expected or hoped for.

63 thoughts on “starting over.”

  2. This is beautiful. And, yes, it does give hope.

    And setting up a private blog, just for you?! Oh that is sweet. I may need to casually leave my comment here up on my husband’s computer…

    Like

    Reply

  6. Wow one of the most honest and beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Reminds me that we can always start over, that this does not have to be the end. I do have the opportunity to start over. I needed this now more then ever, thank you for reminding me.

    All my love and best wishes to you and Cody.

    Like

    Reply

  11. This is just… so awesome. There are so many couples who would let things crumble and let the resentment and life changes wear away at their relationship, but YOU aren’t doing that. So refreshing!

    And I love the re-proposal. *melt* You got yourself a keeper, there.

    Like

    Reply

  12. This is really sweet and a truly inspiration for us. A lot of people think that marriage is the end of courtship; there is no more need for surprises, sweet words, little gifts of appreciation etc. Marriage should be the start of another exciting courtship. Thank you for sharing something so beautiful to us.

    Like

    Reply

  13. Now that is some good, good stuff. I’m so happy to see how you guys have handled your trials. I’ve seen how couples can become stronger through tough times and it looks like you’re doing it right my dear.

    Like

    Reply

  14. When I got married I remember thinking – oh, so naively – that my heart would never be broken again. I also experienced that “I think my marriage is over” feeling, and I’m certain that nothing has ever been or ever was worse.

    I’m so glad your heart is on the mend! Part two of my marriage has been infinitely better than part one. I’m happy for you guys, it’s going to be awesome!

    Like

    Reply

  17. this is perhaps the sweetest thing that I’ve ever read. Thanks for sharing it. It’s a wake-up call for all of us! Love your posts– they are inspirational.

    Like

    Reply

  18. After your post last week, I got to thinking about our post-law school year. I don’t remember why we were at odds with each other, but it’s the only time in our marriage that I slept on the foldout couch (hey, I was trying to be different…instead of kicking him out, I just moved). In hindsight, it was all about adjusting to life together, when for the previous years we had operated our marriage around the rigors of law school (and we both also had full-time jobs). We made it through the tunnel. Absolutely I am glad we made it. Glad (relieved) you’re making your way too.

    Like

    Reply

  20. Casey, Thank you. This took a lot of courage to share. I’m sorry that it seems like you had to go through that dark, sad time alone. I know you alluded to it, but only a select few probably actually knew where you were and why. That write-up from Cody was simple and beautiful. I smiled and even teared up as I read it, and behind the meaning of the ring and how much he loves you, I truly felt a sense of hope & happiness & things to come in the words that weren’t written, but still there. I hope now things only go up from here for both…well, all 3!…of you. Congratulations on your re-proposal 🙂

    Like

    Reply

  21. Casey, this is so beautiful!! Cody is a very good man and this is a very inspiring post. You’re right – there is too much darkness in the world – thank you both for bringing back some light.

    Like

    Reply

  22. i’m all for fighting harder for the things we believe to keep the ugly out of our lives. That was such a great quote from you that I wrote it on my desk calendar – so I see it everyday! Thank you..

    Like

    Reply

  26. That was beautiful and so great to see your remarriage of sorts to one another. We renewed our vows in February (right before I met you) and I feel like it’s made this year even better, it’s made me remember why we got married and why I can’t live without that man. Ahh…love is a wonderful, powerful thing.

    Like

    Reply

  29. Why do you write things like this on the days that I don’t wear waterproof mascara?

    It really makes me think long and hard about my marriage though. Can I picture my husband doing something romantic like this? Is this really what he’s thinking even when he does stupid stuff, or makes me think he just doesn’t care anymore?

    It really goes to show that although we look at our men as selfish or lazy or mean or unthoughtful, thoughts like this could very well be lurking in their brains, just waiting for the right opportunity to show themselves.

    Thanks for giving me a little hope today.

    Like

    Reply

  36. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with all of us. The thing is, this WILL help someone, just like your past entries have helped so many “someones.” We’re all rooting for you, lady.

    Like

    Reply

  38. That’s so beautiful.

    And what you said about too much divorce in the world and needing to fight for the things we care about to make the world a better place. I wish you both the best and many years more of happiness and love.

    Like

    Reply

  39. As someone who is a self admitted sucker for a happy ending, it’s sooo nice to read about such a happy, well, not *ending* but…happy step in the right direction. And, it’s good to know that in this world where so often people do give up on each other and love and marriage that you are so committed to one another and have given us all a little hope. It’s a beautiful story. *sigh* Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    Reply

  43. I think that’s really beautiful, and also brave of both of you for sharing this 🙂 I’m so happy for you! And the ring is gorgeous.

    Like

    Reply

  44. Thank you for your honesty! So glad to see that you and your husband are working through things and that you realize that “d” word is not the answer! His actions are incredibly sweet and at least from the outside (not having met him) he seems ready to do right by you. 🙂 Congrats on your newfound journey together!

    Like

    Reply

  45. the beautiful part of getting to that point where you don’t know if you can stay together, is never forgetting that again, and really seeing each other and appreciating each other in a whole new way. Your marriage will be better for it, from here on, and that’s definitely something worth celebrating. Congrats.

    Like

    Reply

  47. You two are amazing! Congratulations on starting over. Congratulations on having the love of your life back. And most of all, enjoy the ride into eternity! What a blessing!

    Thanks you two!

    Like

    Reply

  49. Wow. Amazing post. Way to take marriage for what it REALLY is: Serious, eternal business! Inspired me, that’s for sure.

    Oh, and I looooove the private blog thing. I’m a “words of affirmation” kind of girl and Jonathan isn’t. Maybe this would help??

    Like

    Reply

  50. you know, casey …had i read this yesterday when you bought that necklace from me, i would have wept and wept and wept.

    if there is one thing i have learned the last three years it is this: the fight for your family is the only fight worth fighting.

    you are a fighter, my friend.

    much, much love.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Rick Cancel reply