reset.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted indepression

These are the days that puzzle me the most.

I wake up from restless sleep, begin my day only to become more and more anxious as the day goes on. Feeling overwhelmed, incredibly frustrated. I look around and realize that I’m doing the same thing I do everyday. Picking up the same messes, washing the same laundry, putting away the same toys, cleaning the same dishes. Dealing with the same tantrums, the same schedule, the same frustrations every day. Yet there is the occasional day that putting away the same t-shirt for the 37th time causes me to look around and realize I accomplish nothing great on a day to day basis. Everything I do today will be misplaced, dirty, eaten or unfolded by the end of the week and I will start all over again next week. And for the next many many weeks to come. This in turn causes me fall to the floor in a heap and cry.

It’s so dumb.

This is my life that I chose, and most days I’m happy with it.

But some days I want to throw it all in garbage bags and start over.

Tomorrow the piles won’t look so big, my imperfections won’t glare so harshly and I’ll wonder what ever happened to me yesterday. I just have to get to tomorrow first.

55 thoughts on “reset.”

  2. Man! It sounds like you need a vacation pronto. Keep it up though – I hear the little monotonous things are the way great things are brought to pass…

    your awesome.

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  5. oh yes. yes yes yes. Why is it that some days, the same things we do every day just suddenly SUCK MAJORLY? Then tomorrow, all is well.

    The good news is that tomorrow, all will be well 🙂 Hope the rest of today goes fast for you!!

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  6. since I don’t really know you — except through blog world, I cannot comfort you by telling you ALL the great things you do when you feel like you’re doing nothing. But I can tell you that in blog world you are make a difference by posting your posts like you do. For me, your posts have: made me belly laugh when I needed to most, given me courage to more openly admit and ask for help dealing with nasty depression, and inspired me with the sweet words and gorgeous photograps. Multiply that by the upwards of a thousand people who read your blog on a daily basis, and you really are doing a lot more than keeping those dishes-and-clothes-and-floor-and-bed-and-child neat and clean.

    And just think — in another life when that shirt you picked up over and over again and kept so clean has come back as supreme commander of a 1st world country, you’ll be glad you give it all the love and attention you did.

    The cockroaches will hate you though, maybe you should slack off a little in the cleaning department to appease them, just in case they ever amount to anything.

    Ems last blog post.."I never look back darling. It distracts form the now."

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  7. There are times when I feel the same way in that I go to work come home, cook dinner, play with the kids, rinse repeat.
    I feel like life should be different…better. Why do I have to work outside of the home when so many others don’t.
    Then other times I feel like this was meant to be… and am 100% ok with it.
    All I can say is I think I get it. I really do.
    Hugs to you, sister.
    We all just have to take it day by day.

    WMs last blog post..Signs my children watch too much tv when I’m not around

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  17. Yuck! Hate those blood sucking days! It didn’t help having my husband’s phone calling ya at 1:30 in the morning. Sorry. You can punch him if it’ll make you feel better! 😉

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  18. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough day. I was just talking to some other moms about a similar feeling. It helps me to be reminded that there’s a really good reason for doing this SAH thing: you’re not doing it to be a housewife. You’re doing it to be the best mother your kid could have. Your relationship with her will make it all worth it as time goes on. Hope that helps a smidge and if it doesn’t, you’re right, you’ll surely feel better tomorrow. Hugs.

    Feather Nesters last blog post..I Get High on Baby Hugs

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  19. Sound familiar…pretty much how I’m feeling today, too. (see “solitude” post on my site) sometimes I just don’t know how or why I keep doing the same thing day in and day out. And once people know that you’ve ever had a problem with depression, they watch you like an eagle. one bad day and it’s like they think you’re spiraling downward again…that part drives me nuts! I know that they just care about me, but geez…can’t I just have a bad day?

    Bridgets last blog post..I’m a drama queen.

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  20. You don’t accomplish anything great on a day to day basis? You’re raising an amazing daughter, the most important job there is, and you make people laugh every single day.

    But I feel you. We all have days like that, and I thank you for being so honest about it!

    the mrs.s last blog post..Jumping Ship (Temporarily)

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  21. Have spent three days straight reading your archives, and today’s post made me realize why – you manage to put words to my feelings – you are the John Lennon to my Paul McCartney 🙂

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  22. Oh… I so know what you mean. I had been doing so well keeping up with everything that life threw at me. Our new house was immaculate and all the laundry was folded and put away. I was even pulling in some good coin to contribute to the family bank. But these past couple weeks? It’s all i can do to find a clean bottle to feed the baby. And the laundry, ugh! I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to catch up. I just don’t have the capacity to keep this up for any length of time. I feel like, every few weeks or so, I need a battalion to come in an clean up everything I’ve let fall through the cracks so I can start over. But the battalion never comes. And, like you said, I always find a way to emerge from it all. The light is always at the end of the tunnel. It’s the finding it that is the hard part.

    Jills last blog post..I have a confession to make

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  23. It’s not dumb, it’s real.

    I’ve been living this everyday for 4 years.

    Something is missing. This wasn’t supposed to be my life…

    I guess it’s just reality crashing into unknown expectations.

    I don’t think life has to be bad to feel this way. It sort of is what it is.

    Sucks sometimes.

    Sashas last blog post..Are They For Real?

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  27. I have days like this too, where I have to remind myself that getting through the day with two happy, alive kids IS an accomplishment, even if all the tidy stuff is untidied, all the clean redirtied…

    I SO WISH I knew for sure if I had strep or just a silly virus right now (yes, there’s a point here): if it’s the latter, I should be much better by tomorrow (when the docs will tell me for sure) — but see, if I knew now, you could make plans to come to MI to play w/me and my kids while your hubs goes to the game (I read your tweet just now). *sigh* That would be such a nice way to get out of the laundry doldrums, wouldn’t it?

    MommyTimes last blog post..There’s No Accounting for Some People’s Tastes

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  29. Bless your heart. I’ve been there too as I’m sure most moms have. Moments when it just feels like you are living one very very long day that doesn’t end. It gets better and you’ll get through this. How you feel is never dumb and you certainly aren’t alone. (((Hugs)))

    HeatherYs last blog post..Haiku Friday: Vacation

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  30. Listen missy. This is important. I want you to sit your little size 2 butt down and pay attention. DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Do it to glorify God. If you live in the past or the future, you are robbing yourself of the gift of the present moment, which is ALL we ever have. You are accomplishing that which is right in front of you, which is all we ever have.

    Remember what I gave you at BlogHer? THAT.

    I could not be prouder of you.

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  32. I know exactly how you feel. I HATE feeling like this!!!! I hope tomorrow comes fast. A prayer always helps to get through today.

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  33. We used to have these totally craptastic coffee cups that would fall to pieces any time you unscrewed the cap – so I had to wash like 20 pieces each night with the coffee pot (not to mention that it was usually while everyone else sat and watched TV). One day I totally freaked out about it. I had a breakdown over doing the same crap day in and day out and the mugs got the brunt of it. I was useless for the rest of the night. The next day I went out and bought two new (easy to wash) coffee mugs. And it totally brightened my days. 🙂 So, my point is, shop more. No, wait – it’s that sometimes little tweaks to the norm can make a world of difference. For me, anyway, a little fix can be a big help.

    The Butrfly Gardens last blog post..And one of the family

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  34. I’ve been feeling the same way, and recently blogged about needing something permanent in my life. Everything I do is “undid” by the end of the day by two very small hands or two bigger ones belonging to the daddy of the little ones. It’s so frustrating. I’ve decided to start sewing these little bird things that I found online. So what if they are crappy junk that I let the kid toss around. At least they will still be birds I made at the end of the day.
    If you are interested, here is the original bird sewing site:
    http://www.spoolsewing.com/blog/2008/05/16/bird-mobile/

    loras last blog post..pay the cost

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  35. You made at least one person smile or laugh today reading one of your archived posts (*cough*ahem*treadmill*cough*)…that’s something great, isn’t it?

    And I’m SURE at least once today you made The Moosh laugh…and that’s gotta be worth something, no?

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  39. Yeah, you’re definitely not alone. I’ve been in the same rut now for about six weeks. Today was the worst…both little ones were just having an off day. The house…completely trashed. And I would have just chocked up to another in the long chain of icky days…but today was my birthday. I know I’ll snap out of it…at some point it all just seems to come out okay.

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  40. I hear ya, my friend! I try to explain this to my husband. I tell him how I feel like I accomplish nothing because every time I clean, it’s a mess five minutes later, etc. He acts sympathic, but I don’t think he can totally comprehend.

    Alysons last blog post..Vermont’s Finest Indeed

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  44. Wow. You describe my day everyday. Been that way for 9 years now. 4 kids later. I can’t say it gets better, but with work, the perspective can change. And then you’ll have another day like you describe. And then realize, well, that’s life. And this one is mine. Probably not much help, and for that, I apologize. In a twisted way, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    Aileens last blog post..Auction for NieNie. Come join us.

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  46. Being a SAHM can be hard. I have three kids not yet in school, it is hard to do the same thing over and over again each and every day. I feel like I m treading water.

    Set a goal for yourself. Work towards it. It helps break up routine. I signed up for tennis this Fall.

    I. Can’t. Wait.

    OHmommys last blog post..A "real" princess in a real castle

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  47. Here is the thing: in about ten years you’ll be able to reap what you are sowing right now. Isn’t that helpful? 🙂 Sorry, I know it’s not really. It’s just that I was there ten years ago, and now my boys are 9 and 11 and they have good manners (usually) and do well in school and are healthy and happy. All of those qualities that they have now are thanks to the endless mindless slogging that my husband and I endured (along with the breathless grinning elated parts, too) to get them grown up to this point. Helpful? Probably not. But know that you are doing the most important work on this planet and it is appreciated.

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  48. Oh man. This post sums up exactly how I’ve felt the last few days – right down to the garbage bags.

    Here’s to hoping we both get to tomorrow with some sanity left intact.

    Lisas last blog post..Lighthouse

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  49. The asymmetry of life puzzles and annoys me. Early motherhood is BORING, a LOT of work, and seems pointless on a daily level. And then they grow up and become much more interesting and the paydays start coming thick and fast. Ya gotta take the long view, and lots of little breaks from the moosh, to get through these years. I think just naming it is part of the solution. Hang in there!

    Lisas last blog post..Husband Hero

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  50. ((hugs))
    Just another echo of “I know how you feel” and “you’re not alone”

    I’m rapidly approaching forty and with that comes a lot of reflection and sometimes I’m just not happy with the day and day out stuff, but the major accomplishments make it worth it.

    Reset and begin again. You may feel like this again, but just know that sometimes you’ll have one of those amazing days that will make all of the replays worth it.

    Mims last blog post..My Infinite Playlist

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