I didn’t breastfeed. the moosh had a bottle within the first 24 hours of her life.
She was bottle fed with formula for her entire first year of life.
And guess what? She’s darn healthy and well adjusted for a little kid who had a bottle shoved down her maw for the first 12 months of her life.
Now some die hard breastfeeding mother out there is grumbling at me.
I tried.
Boy howdy did I try.
In the first few moments after she was born, I nursed her. It was so easy, so natural. Even the nurses said I made it look too easy. After the first day, things weren’t going so well. I was bleeding, I was chapped, I was sore. I dreaded nursing her. Nurses and lactation consultants came in to help (read, lactation consultants came in and felt me up something fierce.) Yet nothing came out, not even the colostrum they promised me would come. the tiny moosh screamed, and after a bottle she calmed down, she fell asleep, and I felt relieved. (And when I say relieved I mean I felt a huge amount of guilt for giving my child a bottle because I was going to be nurser extraordinaire.) There was no physical change in my boobs. Not throughout pregnancy, not after birth. (Well, except for the saggy thing. Darn you sag.)
Pediatricians and nurses kept telling me to KEEP UP WITH THE NURSING! My milk would come! Don’t give up! Don’t be one of those moms! Nursing will save society! I promised them I would.
Thus began my ritual of nurse, feed, pump. Every time the moosh woke up to eat I would start by nursing her, even though nothing was coming out. I would then have to bottle feed her because homegirl was hungry and pissed that all I did was shove an empty boob in her mouth. When she was finally settled down it was time for me to pump.
Encourage those puppies to produce!
Yet nothing ever came out. The only thing that hit the inside of that bottle was my sore bleeding nipple.
I did this at every feeding for two weeks.
I tried Reglan.
Correction, I was prescribed Reglan but the good pharmacist caught that I had a history of anti depressants and encouraged me to talk with the doctor that prescribed it. When I told the doctor that I was prone to intense depression he said “DO NOT TAKE THAT REGLAN.” Apparently Reglan, let loose in a postpartum woman’s system with a history of depression can lead to the postpartum woman jumping in front of moving cars and stuff.
Way to take a good history DOCTOR.
This is when I began to realize not a single doctor or nurse who forced nursing upon me was aware of my sickness while pregnant. I got pregnant at 180 pounds, I went home from the hospital with a new baby at 120 pounds.
That’s how sick I was.
No one bothered to consider that I was so emaciated from cooking that little baby that I had absolutely no reserves left for making milk. How could they? As soon as the moosh came out I was done with the puking.
I called the lactation consultant assigned to my boobs and asked her if there was a possibility that it would be physically impossible for me to nurse due to my HG while pregnant.
“I suppose” she said.
“Well then I’m done, this is ridiculous. You can come pick up your machine (pump) tomorrow.”
“But ma’am! There’s so much you haven’t tried! Brewer’s yeast! Supplemental nursers!”
I cut her off. “I am bloody, I am tired, my body is physically incapable of providing milk for my baby. I was bottle fed and I turned out okay. I’m sure my kid will too. Thank you.”
And guess what? The guilt was gone. the moosh was bottle fed, which was actually a huge blessing for me because it allowed others to watch her while I recovered from some serious postpartum depression.
So there you go.
I didn’t breastfeed. I tried. My body failed me.
Bummer.
making unbreakable - formerly moosh in indy. 
I tried to breastfeed both of my children, and it didn’t work with either of them. There just wasn’t anything there. I was crushed the first time. The second time, I was ready for it.
Nicholes last blog post..Sheltered
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The same thing happened to my cousin who has a five week old. After a week the baby, who was born five pounds on time, got down to 3.5 and it turned out she’d been sucking but nothing was coming out.
I don’t know why others feel like chastising those who opt to not breastfeed (as well as those who tried). To each her own!
Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Your Body is a Wonderland
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I agree, to each their own. I seriously considered formula feeding this time around and did supplement during the first week before my milk actually came. Lil’ bugger was STARVING and colostrum wasn’t cutting it.
I wish now I had done the same with Carter.
*hugs* Love ya C.
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There is no room in my life for those who will bitch someone out for not breastfeeding.
There is a special place in hell reserved for the evangelical breast feeding cult of shame.
Backpacking Dads last blog post..The Great Interview Experiment
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I nursed both of my kids. With GREAT difficulties. Neither of them ever latched, I was always painfully engorged and many people made me feel guilty because of it. “How can you not love it? It is so natural! So bonding! So beautiful!”
Both of my children and I were so much happier when we quit. I am pretty easy going about most things in motherhood but this is not one of them. To all those who cast judgment on others: PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Amber’s Crazy Bloggin’ Canucks last blog post..Busted at BlogHer ’08–Part II
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Oh ow! The puking and the bloody owie ta-tas. Why the h-e-double-toothpicks didn’t they start you with the SNS? And offer some help for the owies?
That’s some pretty incredible advice. Take this potentially deadly medicine, listen to your baby scream, pump on bleeding sores, and–what? You’re giving up?
I am a big time nursing mom (it’s free and my only chance in this life for ta-tas), but babies thrive with formula. It’s not arsenic. It’s a healthy, well-balanced milk replacement. And it grows great looking kids. (Nice picture of your kids, BTW.)
Jamis last blog post..V & W are right next to each other.
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From one “ornamental” (more or less) mom to another… three times over in fact… Cheers! I get so sick of the chastisement I received (and still do for not trying harder)… there are many times I think if I could just have one more, I would try extra hard this time to make it work… it’s the one thing I always felt like I failed at as a mother. But you know what? My kids are happy and healthy and well adjusted, I even have a practically perfect in every way teenage boy (knock on wood)! So guess what? Piss on the fact that none of them were breastfed. Piss on those who choose to piss on you and anyone else who couldn’t make it work either!
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One of my best friends recently had a baby and I was shocked SHOCKED by the treatment she received from her lactation consultants. They called her at home and harassed and made her cry and don’t new moms already give themselves enough reasons to feel bad about themselves?
slynnros last blog post..New Stuff and a Question
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very scary that your doctor rx a drug that would cause problems for you ?? thank god for the pharmacist…some one doing there job.
everyone needs to do what is best for their family.
feeners last blog post..Why I should join twitter
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I thought breastfeeding was going to be sooo easy! It’s one of those things that NOBODY warned me about! It was SOOO much harder than I thought it was going to be. With Lina I had nurses grabbing my boobs and shoving my 4 pounder’s little head into them. SHE SCREAMED! My boobs were just too honkin’ huge for the poor thing. I did feed both my girls breast milk for the first 4 months and it was easier the second time around but I know a lot of kiddos out there who were just fed formula and they are just fine! I say do what works best for you! You already have so much to deal with after giving birth! I think every mom feels guilty about something when they have a baby. I cried and felt horribly guilty when I had to stop nursing. Oh- and Reglan didn’t do crap for me!
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I feel your pain. I had no problem producing milk, but since my nipples are kind of flat, my baby had nothing to latch onto and would just scream and spit and holler while I tried to ram my taut-as-a-drum aereola into her mouth. It was awful. I am due with my second in 5 weeks and am going to give it an honest try again since every baby is different, but I think I will almost be relieved to yank out the ol’ bottle again.
Amanda Browns last blog post..Tiny Injustices
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I wish there was some way I could make you feel guiltier about this. Because that would make the world a better place 😉
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I adore you and I applaud you and your honesty.
You know yourself so well and follow your instincts, that’s fabulous.
rachels last blog post..The Day I Broke My Vagina
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I nursed both my boys but I’m far from a nazi about it. I even gave a friend the advice not to do it because she felt so uncomfortable about it. For me it was great but I can see how someone wouldn’t want to do it-and for pete’s sake! Those who can’t, for whatever reason, shouldn’t be made to feel like less of a mom. God gave us great formula for a reason.
Headless Moms last blog post..Wait! Come Back!
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I have to de-lurk and leave a comment because this post was so funny! And so true for so many women. Thanks for sharing!
a.mens last blog post..Pioneer Day & a New Do
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It’s so, so great you stood up for yourself. That’s the best thing you could’ve done for the moosh, so it’s a double win!
Megans last blog post..Dry Spell
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I have 3 friends (4 counting you!) who physically weren’t able to nurse. One who’s milk glands didn’t connect to her nipples, one who’d had “pre breast cancer” spots removed from her breasts, and one who at this time is giving up. She’s got a 3 month old and still has bloody nipples. I’d say that’s about 2 months longer than I’d have done it!
Breast may be best, but when it’s not possible hey, you do what you gotta do! And I just told those lactation people who were feeling me up to shove it! It felt good after all the crap we went through in the hospital!
Kristas last blog post..Creation X2
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Way to stick to your guns… ha ha.
Breastfeeding is the one true religion! Ok, not so much, I agree that those who are NOT YOU should not try to tell YOU what to do.
Tell them to try sucking on their own Darn Tatas!
Reeses last blog post..Ready, Aim,
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I took Reglan in spite of my history of clinical depression, and it kicked my ass. I actually said to my mom, “She (as in the baby) just won’t be safe until she’s big enough not to fit in the microwave.”
Seriously.
I did damage to my child. I did damage to my marriage. I did damage to my relationships with everyone close to me (including losing a dear friend who I’ve only recently gotten back in touch with 3 years later).
There’s guilt on both sides. Even though I nursed her until she was 28 months old, tandem nursed through my next pregnancy and my second child’s first 9 months of life, I get to suffer the guilt of knowing that I seriously damaged a lot of previously healthy relationships.
That reglan is BAD NEWS.
Good for you for doing what was right for you and for the Moosh, and don’t let anyone give you guilt.
And in my case, if it was going to screw up my entire life, well, at least it brought the milk in, finally. I would’ve been pissed if I’d screwed up everything to get milk, and still hadn’t had it!
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
Amys last blog post..I can haz books?
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Ugh. I’m so sick of the mom nazis. Breastfeed or your a failure…let your baby cry when it is manipulating you to pick it up (ie you’ve done everything and it just wants cuddles at 4am)? You will traumatize it for life. SO insane. I get that women want to be good mothers, and they want to believe mistakes will never be made, but every woman, baby and home is different and you can’t sit there and judge others. Grrr to people mumbling at you!
ElizabethSheryls last blog post..Happy Birthday, To Me
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Good for you for giving it your all! And good for you for stopping a losing battle. I breast fed for a couple months, but both my kids had a lot of formula as infants and they’re FINE as well.
And? Depression sucks. So do doctors who do not pay attention to it.
Mrs. Wilsons last blog post..Duty
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Look, I nursed my bio kids for a year each and pumped extra for 4 months for the kid we adopted. I was hard-core.
But then as now I DO NOT advocate telling anyone that they MUST nurse. If you ever hear from any titty nazis please just send them my way and I’ll knock some sense into them.
Good on you for doing what you knew was right for all of you.
Erika Jurneys last blog post..Thank god I had my roots done
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I didn’t breast feed either of my boys. ( Oldest was in NICU for 12 hours while mama slept off general anathesia from emergency c-section ). Did I just say that out loud?! A c-section and bottle feeding!!!??? What kind of mother am I ???? ( A great one, by the way!)
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If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who try to shove their values down someone else’s throat. How can they have any idea what you’re going through? You know what? Nursing was easy for me. I can’t imagine not having done it. But I am not you, so my experience doesn’t equal yours. I can’t stand breastfeeding nazis. It gives the rest of us a bad name. I would never judge someone for not breastfeeding. It’s a personal choice, or in your case, just the way it goes. You tried. Good for you. Even if you didn’t, it’s your choice.
capperoos last blog post..Flowers from the garden
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I didn’t breastfeed at all. Didn’t want to. Didn’t try. Didn’t have them check “breast” on the little card they gave me at check in for my unnatural birth – a c-section- Gasp! Some folks can do it all- more power to you. The rest of us have to do what we can to survive. Mine was bottle fed, too, and she’s sick less than both of her best friends who were breastfed. SO- while I’m sure the breast is best- it wasn’t best for my family, and I’m thrilled to report a happy, healthy, smart child in spite of my choice.
(here comes the hate mail)
Amy C.s last blog post..Time Out
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Since Maddie came out almost 12 weeks early, my body was completely unprepared to make milk. I would go to the NICU and the nurses would give me a hard time about not bringing in milk. So I would attach myself to a pump every three hours for 20 minutes, and I’d get maybe an ounce if I was lucky. Then my doctor put me on Reglan – twice – which we now know was a huuuge mistake because it sent me off the deep end.
Finally, my daughter’s pediatrician said, “why are you doing this to yourself? You are allowed to give her formula, you know.” I wish someone had said that to me sooner.
Heathers last blog post..My Daughter, The Dress Up Doll
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I didn’t breastfeed either. *Ducks and runs for cover*
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Puking an entire pregnancy and bloody ta-tas…. Yeah, I’d be looking for a little break too. Everyone has to do what is right for them. I wish the nurses and doctors would have that tone versus making women feel it’s wrong to not breastfeed. Breastfeeding was NOT the thing to do when I was a baby. Now it is… Will it cycle again? Who knows…that’s how it goes and an even bigger point to do what you want…your body, your kid.
Toast 2 Moms last blog post..My Life on the Mommy Blog "D" List
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I couldn’t breastfeed either, and I’m ashamed to say it. We all have to do what’s best for us, and our families.
catnips last blog post..have you heard about Schuyler?
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I love that you’re so honest about the entire trial you went through. It is every woman’s personal choice, but it’s also very honorable that you tried your DAMNEDEST.
A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..Weekly Winners 7.20-7.26
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you’re body didn’t fail you, sweetie. on the contrary, it was doing it’s job and taking care of you!
crazedparents last blog post..A lesson in SEO and other random bits…
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I didn’t breastfeed my 3 kids either. I could go into an explanation, but it’s a little long for a comment. Anyway, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with bottle feeding. A mom has to do what a mom has to do!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..What’s A Few More Grey Hairs?
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I think you should be commended for trying, especially after what you’d been through for those nine months. And your assertiveness with the nurse was awesome. You made the effort, it didn’t work out and formula is not Satan’s milk for goodness sakes. I nursed for four months, pumped for two more after that and then switched to formula. It’s a personal decision. Nobody’s business. 🙂
danas last blog post..BlogHer ‘08: Thursday Edition
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Dude. I am a lactation consultant and would have come to the same conclusion you did. Moosh looks awesome and healthy, you needed to feel awesome and healthy. No milk, no brainer.
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You are not a cow. You are a mommy and a woman and so much more than a cow. I think breastfeeding is great when possible, admirable even. But it is not the secret to parenting that everyone seems to think it is.
Barb @ getupandplays last blog post..I actually cried over this one…
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You gave it all you could. I was seriously going nuts trying to breast feed my twins when I finally gave it up. We were all much happier. My girls are perfectly healthy and happy.
And my mom is a lamaze instructor. Oh the guilt.
Mama Ginger Trees last blog post..I Need to Get This Off My Chest
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I didn’t nurse my oldest past 4 weeks. Sore, bloody, chapped, aching nipples were too much for me. That and I didn’t produce much. Probably because I couldn’t relax during latch-on due to the excruciating pain. After getting mastitis, I was done.
You do what you have to do for your health and sanity. Is breast better? Maybe, probably. Is bottle bad? Definitely not.
At least you tried. Good for you! And good for you for realizing bottles are okay.
Hillarys last blog post..Swimming Lessons
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Aww Casey – thank you for sharing.
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oh and did you ever do a video for that contest?
Martys last blog post..Exhausted!!!!
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I pumped with all three. It was awful and I hated every second of it. People should shut their pie-holes about feeding choices.
Sues last blog post..Confessions of a Sneaky Mom
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Eh, you do what you have to do, it’s nobody’s business how you choose to raise your child. People are always too fond of butting into other’s personal choices. I’ve heard all kinds of crazy old wives tales about the ‘miracles’ of breastfeeding. What, they grow horns if you don’t?
Rachels last blog post..Modern Technology
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Nope. I never got milk either. And when kid 2 was born 13 months later, none then either.
I fed them beer from day one. Made the sleep issues so much easier.
mJs last blog post..I’m going to talk about p*nis a little more.
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My mom says I was too lazy to breastfeed. All the other kids did it properly, but not me. Then when I was about three weeks old, the house was hit by a tornado. Away went the roof and any chance that my mom’s body would continue to produce milk for me.
I had to be on special uber-expensive formula. And I’m perfectly well adjusted, good-looking, brainy and humble.
I’d love to breast-feed my future kids, but if it doesn’t happen, oh well.
Sherrys last blog post..Deep in the Heart of Texas
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Wow, reading these comments was nearly as interesting as reading the post!
I had a terrible time with my second daughter and felt so angry and bitter at the OTHER people who wanted ME to endure such pain and frustration. It seemed like my success would somehow make them right. Baby be darned.
I find it curious now with my 10mo old – I’m still nursing, though I stopped with my other four somewhere between 4 and 6 months. Now that I’m a little older, I think I have been able to handle it longer. But maybe that’s only because he hasn’t bitten me yet…;)
Stacey @ Happy Are Wes last blog post..The Offer
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This kind of stuff ticks me off, not that you didn’t breastfeed, but that SOMEBODY ELSE has decided to make your decision their business (at least that’s what it sounds like).
I breastfed my son for WAAAAY longer than I thought I would, but I have never felt that I am somehow better than someone who did not. (it’s actually something I say under my breath).
On the flip side of the coin, I have been attacked rather viciously for being a breastfeeder. It’s why I swore off playgroups for good. Go figure.
Why can’t people just mind their own dang business?
Don’t let this woman give you pause, you know what’s best for you and your child.
Natalies last blog post..A Tale of Baseball, Elvis and Glow Sticks
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I went to a WIC breastfeeding class in Utah, where we lived at the time, and the instructor said very few women have problems not producing enough milk. HAHA She should have said if your newborn is awake screaming for 7 hours straight give her a bottle and don’t look back!
My first baby starved and screamed non stop for 2 1/2 weeks before we gave her a bottle, then she shut up and went to sleep! With my second was bottle fed from the begining and is very healthy. Actually both of my kids are TONS healthier than any of my friends’ kids who were breastfeed. I have no guilt what so ever about bottle feeding.
Thanks for sharing your story. I really hate the close mindedness of some people. PS- I did not find breast feeding natural at all, quite contrary, it felt UNNATUAL to me!
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Oh, you are seriously speaking words right from my heart. I decided that it was not worth my unhappiness to breastfeed. I was one irritable momma…all because of breastfeeding. As soon as I decided to give it up I actually liked having a baby. =)
Thank you for blogging! You are definitely one popular woman, and I have found out why. All my bloggin’ friends have said “do you read moosh in indy?” What you write about people relate to, and I love that you write “real” stuff.
Evonne Sells last blog post..Thunder
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Breastfeeding can be HARD! I had the bleeding, cracking and engorgement. My milk didn’t fully come in for about a week. My poor kid was so hungry. I felt like a failure giving him formula.
The place I was working when he was born (a TV/radio station) did not have a lactation room.
Two other people were pregnant along with me. We’d end up in the ladies restroom because there was a separate room with a couch where the anchors put on their makeup.
Someone complained to HR so they turned an old recording booth into a Mom’s Room. It was the size of a closet, smelled like mildew and could only fit one person.
It made a difficult situation that much harder. To each her own!
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommys last blog post..Where the Magic Happens
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Good for you. Seriously. I’m a big believer that you gotta do what works for you and everyone else be danged. Can I nurse my daughter? Yes, but I’d be the last person to lord that over anyone else. Doesn’t make me a better mother, doesn’t make my daughter a better kid. It could have just as easily gone the other way and I could have had to formula feed.
So no excuses are needed. You da bomb, yo.
Marilyns last blog post..I think it caught up with me
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Totally bottle fed both of my babies, now 14 and 10. Totally did it because I was taking anti depressants, big history of depression in the family. Especially post baby. They are FINE, great girls. They did not grow horns or die because of the bottle. Don’t give it another thought doll. You rock.
michelle lamars last blog post..Not in the Mood for Teen Humor…
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