Whenever Cody starts spouting off law school blah blah my eyes glaze over and I nod catatonically. I really want to care. Really I do. But a lot of it just doesn’t compute. It’s safe to say he keeps talk of federal jurisdiction out of our conversations and I don’t bore him with the finer points of why you must slowly sweat your vegetables before adding them to the soup.
Fast forward to Friday night.
I received an email with an attached contract that I needed to sign for a new gig I’m about to begin (SQUEE! shh.). I started to read it over and wouldn’t you know it, my eyes glazed over and my brain started to shut down. So I called Cody in from the other room.
“Hey dude, wanna read a contract?”
Boy did he. He read that thing like I read Perez Hilton. Focused. Intent. Interested.
And when he was done he let me know that according to this contract I was under obligation to do something I didn’t want to be doing and that there was no way out and no way of changing it once I signed it.
Really? It said that? Because all I saw was “blah blah money blah blah”.
Anyway. He said that I should write what I wanted added into the contract and send it back to be added in.
Me? Write what? But I don’t even…I but I, how do I?
Cody flippantly said “I’ll write it.”
I thought “Ha ha sure he will, like he’ll really write a clause into a contract for me so I can protect myself.” And then it dawned on me. “HE CAN WRITE A CLAUSE INTO MY CONTRACT SO I CAN PROTECT MYSELF!” In that one moment it dawned on me that all this time my husband hasn’t been with me he’s been learning how to write legal garbage to protect people like me who don’t get legal garbage.
SWEET!
You see, Cody’s school brain has been growing and getting infinitely smarter. I just don’t see his school brain much. But I do see his home brain a lot and sorry to say it hasn’t gotten quite as smart as his school brain has, so it’s easy to forget just how book smart he is.
My mom is a computer programmer. It’s easy for me to forget that my mom is a class A computer geek until I see her surrounded by some of the supreme uber dorks she works with typing seven hundred words a minute in insane computer languages.
Then there’s my dad. He could tell you the ins and outs of any piece of furniture he sees. How well it’s made, where the wood came from, how it was put together. He could even reproduce it down to the exact detail if you gave him enough time.
My sister knows every dog and cat breed ever to be ever, and the pros and cons of every single one.
I have another friend who eats breathes and sleeps music. The other day at lunch I asked her why everyone sucks at singing happy birthday and she went into stuff about octave jumps, seventh notes and funny pitches. Who knew?
And then there’s me. Any one of you who know me in real life probably know better than to ever ask me a baking question again because chances are I GAVE YOU AN EARFUL and you could have cared less about half the stuff that poured out of my mouth. I am fluent in bake speak. And I speak it liberally.
So what about you? What language are you fluent it? What question could I ask you that would set off your “speak”? What are you dorky at? An expert at? Even if it’s something as small as knitting tea cozies, tell me. Tell the world.
You know, just in case someone needs a perfect tea cozy. Or whatever.
making unbreakable - formerly moosh in indy. 
I am fluent in text message, LOLspeak, and valley girl. I could teach a college course.
But srsly. I am unfortunately fluent in “sick baby” speak. Not a skill I wanted, but it has come in handy for some of my friends, both in real life and online. If you need something medical done for your kids, I’m your gal.
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I confess to be dorkish in the music area as well.
Mainly, I just want to know what the shiz you’re up to with the contract thingy!
Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: The new Orken commercials are just plain creepy. Period, the end.
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I’m a real estate geek, although sometimes not as fluently or fluidly as I’d like. I’m also pretty proficient (gfaw) at raising kids, especially the what not to do part. 😉
kristi’s last blog post..Did you hear the one about…
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I am an expert at knitting teeny tiny things. I get WAY too bored when I knit something big.
But, in my big girl life, I work in online marketing, and I know CAN-SPAM like the back of my slender, lovely hand. 🙂 Also, I’m excellent at complimenting myself in a roundabout way
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Also curious about the contract!
I am an expert in accounting. And a quasi-expert in photography 🙂
Angella’s last blog post..Blog Nosh
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Mexican food. Cooking, eating, analysing.
And isn’t it wonderful that your husband can write clauses for you? Man, if only we were all so lucky.
Also…we’re excited about this new GIG!
Camille’s last blog post..This is the Kind of Day That Engaged Couples Dream Married Life Will Be Like…
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This post was hilarious! I love it! I am also married to a lawyer, and every now and then I realize how useful that is. lol
I’m not sure what I’m good at..or what I “speak.” I speak mom, and I write, and I take mediocre photos…hmmmm…I’ll have to think about this some more. I know Greek and Roman mythology (like that’s useful at all). I could make speak LAtin (no, that’s not useful either). Goodness. I’m not sure I’m useful!!
Rhea’s last blog post..Mystery Photo and a Giveaway
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I’m fluent in Jew-speak. Wanna know about a Biblical Character, second-temple period, Kosher laws, modesty laws, etc, I’m your gal. also a little Yiddish.
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I know exactly what you mean with the hubs…..Mine is totally brain washed, I mean well versed and educated in Corporate-speak bla bla blah!
For me, being a corporate interior designer, I can whip up a mean vinyl tile floor pattern if you want…just to name one of my magic tricks!
ellinghouse’s last blog post..Great Strides!
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Among my few talents…
I know everything, everything there is to know about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, I admit it.
It’s an illness.
Clink’s last blog post..Game Day
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I’m fluent in NASCAR speak, and Football too. I’m the only girl trapped in boy-land, so I had to become a sports fan 😉
Nicole’s last blog post..Time is Ticking
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I’m fluent in pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding speak. It’s what I’m passionate about, and I’ve heard of nearly every scenerio possible. I could talk childbirth for DAYS and not run out of things to say.
Marie Green’s last blog post..Contest High
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Well, a bit of lawyer speak here and there (I may be “retired” but I still know my stuff). Scrapbooking. Babies. Hockey. Baseball.
Kristin’s last blog post..Logistically speaking
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I’m a garden dork. I can talk about tomatoes a lot. But you already knew that.
Assertagirl’s last blog post..Local couple wanted.
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I am a baby whisperer. Bring me a shrieking baby and I can fix it.
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I am an expert with blood and other body fluids. Sounds gross huh. I’m a medical technologist and I’m the person that runs all the labs at the hospital.
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I speak organizing systems. Not just cleaning and putting thing away correctly but away for that person. Figuring out what works best for them.
Angela’s last blog post..The Boys Dancing
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You will rue the moment you ask me for a book suggestion because I won’t stop talking until your ears are bleeding. Whoops.
Janssen’s last blog post..The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
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I speak anything related to deafness and/or American Sign Language. Especially when it comes to people who think if you sign to a baby who Can hear, he or she won’t want to talk. Gah! Don’t get me started on that one.
Antonette’s last blog post..Bed…sleep…chocolate
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When I was in law school, I loved when my family would ask me to look at contracts! It was so fun!
Avitable’s last blog post..Plum
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I’m fluent in accounting – specifically, taxes.
Also, I’m fluent in accents. Where others are sitting there thinking “what the heck did that person just say?” I respond as if it was said with the cleanest mid-western accent – even if it’s the strongest carribean accent you’ve ever heard. Friends of mine are astounded…
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I’m fluent in insurance ~ specifically liability insurance, all lines. That basically means anyone that hurts you in any way, I deal with their insurance that fixes you.
Medical insurance is a beast of it’s own that I refuse to touch. That’s a screwed up system with no ryhme or reason. Medical adjusters don’t even understand 80% of that crap either!
Bellamomma’s last blog post..Oh Hai! Remember me?!
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you already hit on the two for me. 1.) Anything cooking or baking related. Once a friend emailed me to say she wanted to buy a nice pepper mill for a friend and asked my advice. I wrote her an essay on all the different pepper mills out there and my take on the pros and cons of each. 2.) like your sister, i know pretty much every dog breed out there, and their basic temperament, size, looks, and pros and cons as a family pet. Tell me what you’re looking for in a dog, and I can probably recommend several breeds for you to start researching.
Sara’s last blog post..On Reading
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We both know I’m an uber accounting nerd. Last night I had dreams about playing Mario Cart on the Wii. And while I was dodging turtle shells and running other people off the road, I was attempting to calculate the accumulated depreciation on the car I was driving.
I need help. Really.
Olivia’s last blog post..Money!!
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I am fluent in graphic design programs and printing. I can also look at any design file and tell you what is wrong with it.
And get me together with any of my design friends and you will hear us complain ad nauseum about other designers and how stupid they are. I think it’s a disease.
Just Me’s last blog post..Trials and tribulations of a license…
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I speak dog, more specifically Boston Terrier. I am also pretty fluent in reality television and celebrity gossip. My mother would be so proud!
Megan’s last blog post..You have reached this blog in error.
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Hair Color: I can talk about color placement techniques, levels, and canceling unwanted tones until I’m blue in the face.
Hippo Brigade’s last blog post..First Steps
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I believe I am your love child (although I think I’m older than you). I work for a judge so I’m all about lawyer speak, but I have a serious love of baking too!
Lori’s last blog post..Here we are!
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Regulations for research involving human participants. I know ’em.
Anna’s last blog post..Leaping small cribs with a single bound
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Statistics. Babies. Religion. I just dig it.
EMama’s last blog post..Best Birthday Ever, episode I
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At first I couldn’t think of anything… people call me trivia girl because I seem to know random odd facts about a lot of things. Maybe you could call me a news freak, but that isn’t so true anymore…
Oh, but then I thought of what I teach. Duh! I’m a science freak! (with a little math and Spanish thrown in for good measure!)
Krista’s last blog post..Sunday Scribblings
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Art. And how do you sweat vegetables? I hope it doesn’t involve a treadmill…
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I can tell you more information than you care to know about a variety of 80’s and 90’s artists, as well as babble for hours about the nuances of certain accents, and how I wish Utahns understood that FEEL is pronounced like veal or steal and not fell, or SALE is like fail or whale not like SELL. Please, Utah, understand this: TWO CONSECUTIVE E’S MAKE A LONG SOUND!
Yeah. See? Diatribes I do.
Emily the Utah transplant from the Midwest’s last blog post..Monday Morning Antic: The Destruction of a Dress
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I speak 19th century British literature, but without an accent. Ask me anything you want about mourning clothes (when to switch from black to lavendar?) or tea or drawing rooms, and I have an answer. A *proper* answer. Just don’t ask me my favorite book because there are far too many for me to make that choice. 🙂
MommyTime’s last blog post..Letter to My Daughter from MultiplesMommy
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Couponing, CVS-ing, and bargain shopping.
I know so much and talk about it with such joy that I even annoy myself.
Lunanik’s last blog post..Sunday Steals and Deals
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I am in HR and have always been very into writing and communications. I am very good at business letters, helping people with resumes and cover letters – and I LIKE doing it.
Isn’t it funny the different places we find our callings/passions?
Rachael’s last blog post..Dance to Bill-O
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I am an expert at Nothing. nadda. zilch. zero.
I am decent in quite the variety of fields, but a master in none.
Two differing points of view on this:
1 – I can’t focus and thus I never finish anything (the Quitter theory)
2 – I am well-rounded
oh well, I’ve accepted it 😉
Erika’s last blog post..Oh my goodness, can it really be over?!
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I’m fluent in Norwegian and English.
I’m also a literature geek, a taekwon-do dork, and an old movie fanatic. Oh, and I’m really good at remembering names and faces.
Plus, random weird pieces of information stick to my brain.
Frozen Star’s last blog post..A somewhat strange coincidence
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I’m pretty fluent in real estate lingo – and now that I work at a pet store I’m learning a lot of animal lingo, too.
Then I’m part computer geek and scrapbookaholic…
Oh, and I’m a musician, too.
Reese’s last blog post..SPF K9
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My special talent is my anal retentiveness. You need something organized, I’m your girl.
manager mom’s last blog post..Of Breasts And Bacteria
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I speak in numbers. Especially if they are in a business presentation and something just doesn’t add up quite right, or a % is off. I love and can talk about anything number related. How geeky is that?
I love numbers so much that when my husband started a new job and brought home all sorts of “data”, I asked him to give it to me and I turned it in to all sorts of charts and graphs and made a presentation which he gave. Problem was, they loved it so much that they wanted him to update and present it every month and he had no clue what I was doing!
I am now banned from looking at his work stuff.
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ummm welll, I guess raising kids stuff and natural healing stuff (not a guru but I know a bit) and maybe not as good as some but LDS hystory type stuff I guess.
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I would have to say that I am well versed in 80’s trivia. I am a walking encyclopedia when it comes to music, TV shows, fads & trends, etc. My family gets irritated that they can’t beat me at board games ….I love it!
Becky S.’s last blog post..new patio stuff
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Oh boy. You could ask me anything about ghostbustin’ and I’d talk your ear off until you had no doubt you were talking to a bona fide CRAZY PERSON.
DORK ON!
mommypie’s last blog post..DOOGS!
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I guess I’m pretty fluent in Real Estate as well. Not that I do it for a living or study it on a professional basis though. It’s more like a hobby for me. I’ll read/study anything real estate related. Maybe some day it will make me some money.
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I am fluent in coupon speak, or “deal speak”. I works the deals at CVS and only a nadful of people know what the heck I am talking about when I use terms such as ECB and OOP. I am a total nerd but at least I hardly pay anything for groceries or hygiene items!
My husband is a mechanic and I often glaze over at his mechanic speak, which can cause me to get catatonic, but THANK GOD we don’t have to pay for car repairs!!
Jenny from Mommin’ it Up!’s last blog post..I Think it’s Time to Hang Up the Ol’ Strapless Bra
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i can’t believe there are so many experts in the house. i used to be an expert on early childhood education…but it’s been awhile. i could talk about it a little, but i’ve had 4 kids since i stopped teaching.
sitting here thinking…i got nothing now. i’m good at sitting around. does that count?
natalie’s last blog post..slliks hcet hgih
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Knitting. Not tea cozies however, but knitting.
(and stats….but I don’t admit that one freely).
T.’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Vicky!
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Accounting.
How boring.
Have the T-Shirt’s last blog post..THE Pitching Coach
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Thrifting! I am the absolute queen at finding bargains on pretty things!
Midgetqueen’s last blog post..“Bring me that horizon.”
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