Mildred and Unis wish they could pee standing up.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted inToo lazy to label.

Continuing on with the theme of period talk this week, allow me to discuss my boobs.

Named Mildred and Unis, respectively.

Managing Frederick’s of Hollywood I learned that “girls” (trying to lessen the google pervs here) rarely come in matching pairs. One is always bigger. (Or smaller, if you subscribe to pessimism.) The difference between mine is an approximate 3/4 of a cup size. Mildred is a D.25 and Unis is a C.5.

That is until the PMS comes screaming into town.

Mildred takes a full cup size upon herself while Unis only compensates with maybe a quarter.

DD.25 on the left. C.75 on the right.

I have to be careful how I bend or move due to Mildred’s inability to stay safely housed in my, ahem, over shoulder boulder holder. And they hurt too, whoo, do they hurt. And for some reason no better than to make me cry, the moosh has dead on aim with her enormous head when the girls are at their most tender.

What’s really depressing? This isn’t even my most uncomfortable malady whilst on my womanly journey.

Remind me again? We get periods, pregnancy, menopause and a higher percentage of body fat while men get…um…well, I’m sure there’s something.

Humph.

To pee standing up?

That hardly seems fair.

43 thoughts on “Mildred and Unis wish they could pee standing up.”

  7. Hope I wish for a matching pair. I guess you have to pay for that though. My boston terrier is also awesome at boob crushing at the most tender moments.

    BTW, my husband and I have this argument all the time. He swears that unexpected boners are worse than pms.

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  9. It’s not fair. Nor is your discrepancy of size! Oh my! Mine are safely in a close range of closeness…

    I have to admit relief to being sterilized completely, though…no monthly crap to pull me down.

    Dream of menopause, babe…it’s been my lifesaver *lol* I had the worst monthly’s for as long as I had them…so I can sympathize. I went home from school many many times in intense pain.

    Sadie’s last blog post..Getting fit…support for all of us!

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  15. I love you! I needed some sarcasm and humor, which I can always count on you for! My boobs right now are only feeling deflated! Holy crap do they get worse the more kids you have! Can you say perky boob job in the future? Oy!

    Need some Midol? We have plenty here! 😉

    Carrie’s last blog post..Happy New Year!

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  18. I ALWAYS tell my husband that he has it soooo easy. They have nothing inconveinent to deal with and especially not once a month.

    I feel even more gipped when my little ones want daddy over me…..hey, I BIRTHED you!

    Becky’s last blog post..oh….Matthew

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  21. We stopped being friends the moment you said “D” I am just too utterly jealous. We get A-‘s where I come from. Tee hee. Only teasing. Good luck with the girls…mine hurt too and it seems I wake every morning with a four year old and a two year old bouncing on them. Ow.

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  22. I’m PMSing right now too and the girls are killing me! It hurts to put my bra on, take it off, sleep, move around, breathe…I’m usually wishing my period will come so I can get over the PMS already!

    Brie’s last blog post..It’s over…

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  23. Men also get to live with us and our pms…that is the greatest revenge.

    My boobs in pregnancy…an H. Now with breastfeeding…lets just say I am running out of letters in the alphabet. The left one (nicknamed ‘meal’) is twice the size of the right (nicknamed ‘snack’).

    Clink’s last blog post..And now a word from our sponsor….

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  26. Funny that I just noticed TODAY that I was looking a little…uneven. But I have no complaints even though post-breastfeeding I feel as if mine are oranges in socks. Pre-breast reduction I was always in pain so now I’ll take a little deflated lopsidedness any day.

    Anna’s last blog post..Pajama Party

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  30. Pingback: moosh in indy. » I see pregnant people.

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