Under Pressure.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted inToo lazy to label.

I don’t do pressure cookers.

I will most likely never own one. Why not? OH! Did I not tell you about the time that Cody almost BLEW OFF HIS FACE WITH A PRESSURE COOKER?
He was making mashed potatoes at my moms house.

Silly me figured I knew what he was doing. Until I heard,

“Hey, how do you get the lid off?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never used one, don’t you know?”
“No, I only ever watched my mom and I don’t think this one is like hers.”

Excuse me?

You’re cooking with a lethal pot under the direction of WATCHING YOUR MOM over six years ago? Swell.

He started to grunt as if trying to push a very stubborn rhinocerous.

This is NOT how you open a pressure cooker.

Correction, this is NOT how you open a pressure cooker properly.

The BANG! was louder than a shotgun. Cody’s yell was not a good yell.

In less than the time for Cody to yell “I’m, um, okay?” I thought

“Heisdeadheisdeadevenifheisnotdeadheismissingalimborhisfaceor

hishandcanhegotolawschoolwithoutahand?Wouldhegetascholarshipfor

suchaninjury?NOtheywouldprobablykickhimoutforbeingsostupid.WillI

evenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?”

Ah, irrational fears.

I got up from the couch and before I even turned the corner into the kitchen I saw a good portion of the dozen potatoes smeared all over the wall 30 feet away from the stove. When I actually turned into the kitchen I saw a husband covered, COVERED, in scalding potatoes, I couldn’t see out the kitchen window because it was covered in potatoes, and the ceiling. OH THE CEILING.

The handle of the pressure cooker had busted OFF the pan and the handle was lodged into the ceiling. A ceiling surrounded by splatters of mashed potatoes. At least it wasn’t his face, right? The lid was lying off to the side of Cody’s feet.

I took a deep sigh and picked up the phone.

“Hi, mom, what kind of pressure cooker do you want?”

“Oh but I have a pressure cooker, it’s on the shelf…”

“Um, mom, no you don’t. Well, you did, but now you have a halfway decent attempt at a skylight.”

30 thoughts on “Under Pressure.”

  2. I actually just snorted liquid out of my nose.
    Ahhh… you do make me laugh 🙂
    Poor you, Poor Cody.
    So…. does mom have a skylight or just a nice dent in the ceiling?
    Too cute!
    Happy Y2K8 Casey!!

    rachel

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  4. Oh, my, did he get burned? What we won’t do for the blessed potato! =)

    I’ve never used a pressure cooker… we, at the Green household, will consider ouselves WARNED.

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  9. Pressure cookers SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME.

    It probably stems from my mother screetching at me to run from the house because the pressure cooker was going to blow up when I was seven.

    SHUDDER.

    I will never, ever own one.

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  11. holy crap! I seriously wheezed and wheezed i was laughing so hard at this! HILARIOUS! Please, please tell me you at least have 1 picture of this!!!!!!

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  12. “…WillIevenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?””

    hahahahaha… This whole rant, especially that last part is so effing hilarious that I was laughing, HARD and out loud! Thanks for the giggles and always entertaining me with your clever blog! 🙂

    Miss & love ya!
    xoxoxo~M

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  19. Good Lord, that scared the crap out of me. I mean, I knew he didn’t die and all, but I couldn’t breathe until I read that, you know, HE DIDN’T DIE. Yeah. I will never own a pressure cooker either. Those are scary.

    Karly’s last blog post..Twins. A boy and a girl.

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  24. Yes, pressure cookers are very frightening to me. Once I was helping make dinner at my granparents’ house and my grandmother said “Have you ever cooked a roast in a pressure cooker?” And I said, “Uh, I’ve never cooked a ROAST.”

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  29. Jill, If you’ve never taken that cooker out of the box, can I have it? I still don’t have a replacement. And when we moved out of the house 1 1/2 years later, I was still finding potatoes stuck on things.

    Men….what’s that thing about men not asking directions? Has anyone else heard about that?

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