recovery – making unbreakable – formerly moosh in indy.

choosing to live as rebellion.

TW: suicide/suicidal ideation This morning, I looked at what it would take to buy a gun in Indiana. A few hundred bucks and my driver’s license that matches my mailing address, and I could have a gun by noon and be dead by one*. I wonder how well I could hold it together. How wellContinue reading “choosing to live as rebellion.”

a psychedelic coming out.

I keep coming back with this boundless optimism that I have survived every terrible thing I thought would end me up to this point, so why should this be any different? It may look different than I had anticipated, it may take a little longer, but if I know one thing, it’s worth it to keep going.

shockingly hard.

I’ve talked about a lot of things over the year that have resulted in people responding “I thought I was the only one!” or “Wait, this is normal?” It’s generally been about Brazilian wax farts, my uterus, chin hairs, nipple hairs, orgasms on the treadmill, and those weird stinky things that get caught up inContinue reading “shockingly hard.”

the big sensitive strawberry.

For decades my mom has said I grew up in an entirely different world than everyone else and she was never quite sure what to do with me. I spent most of my childhood and well into my adulthood wondering what was wrong with me, why was I so different from my family? Why wasContinue reading “the big sensitive strawberry.”

just start somehwere.

Here’s what I’ve learned about mental illness over the last eight months: 1. If you really want to get better, mental illness needs to be treated aggressively and constantly maintained. If you know anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer you know there’s no “casual” way to treat cancer. Treatment is fast, aggressive, and constantlyContinue reading “just start somehwere.”

State of the Human Address.

It’s a pretty solid sign of the times when your once thriving little corner of the Internet displays ‘ACCOUNT SUSPENDED’ because you have successfully (albeit accidentally) avoided adding auto-pay to your account for over a year. Since you’re reading this rather than ‘ACCOUNT SUSPENDED’ I’ve clearly accomplished something today. I’m starting out this year 40Continue reading “State of the Human Address.”

Backwards, in High Heels and a Pantsuit.

*cracks knuckles* Okay Internet, let’s do this. What I’ve realized is that someday, maybe even today, my girls are going to ask me what I did the day I found out Donald Trump was to become president. “You want to know what I did? I cleaned the oven door. I looked over a few pins,Continue reading “Backwards, in High Heels and a Pantsuit.”

Hey, Don’t Get Raped.

I just came from two hours of a very emotionally intense sexual assault support group I’ve been attending for the last six weeks and I’ve learned two things: 1. Don’t get raped. Now I realize it’s not a choice, that assault and rape are about taking away the control of another person. But if youContinue reading “Hey, Don’t Get Raped.”

Survival Rewards.

Think of the most terrible thing that has ever happened to you. Think of what changed after the terrible thing happened. Are you able to see the good things that happened in the wake of (and as a result of) disaster as genuinely “good” things? To the point you wouldn’t go back and undo theContinue reading “Survival Rewards.”

When Magnificent Isn’t A Compliment

There is the version of what happened that I convinced myself of before I told anyone else about what happened. I did it in a desperate act of self preservation. If I convinced myself it wasn’t that bad, maybe it would just go away. I would forget about it. It wouldn’t affect me everyday. YouContinue reading “When Magnificent Isn’t A Compliment”