infertility – making unbreakable – formerly moosh in indy.

on infertility, four years later

When we were trying to get Vivi here, my entire though process revolved around getting and being pregnant. Every decision I made in or around my house included the fact that one day a baby would be in it and so I had to plan accordingly. I’d think about what kind of baby gates IContinue reading “on infertility, four years later”

does infertility hurt less later?

Yes and no. But mostly yes, for me at least. After almost five years of an ugly struggle with infertility, I came to peace with it in late 2009. Nothing could have gotten me there sooner, it was something that had to resolve itself in its own time. I wrote this the day before IContinue reading “does infertility hurt less later?”

sublime reality.

Five years is a long time to wait for a baby. A really long time. When you compare five years to 40 weeks…pregnancy flies by. When you’re trying to have a baby for any amount of time, let alone years, you already live your life in weeks. Week one: Period. Week two: Ovulation and copulation.Continue reading “sublime reality.”

the one about the infertility title lost, but not forgotten.

I can never ever forget where I came from that got me to this point. Jealously that almost ruined my best friendship. Anger and bitterness that drove people away. Friendships lost because the hole in my heart was too big to manage. Nearly alienating my only sister because of one comment. Almost losing my marriageContinue reading “the one about the infertility title lost, but not forgotten.”

doughboy pokes, depression and my belly.

I have felt pretty fantastic for the last few months, emotionally at least, physically? Not so much. And when I say I’ve felt emotionally fantastic I mean in regards to depression because to be honest there was a three week time between positive pregnancy test and chilling the chill out that I wasn’t so funContinue reading “doughboy pokes, depression and my belly.”

the second time around.

Living with the barfing is much easier the second time around. The anxiety of ‘ZOMG I’M GOING TO BE SOMEBODY’S MOTHER‘ is easier the second time around. Figuring out what baby crap is actually necessary and what is just crap is also easier the second time around. However no one told me that just existingContinue reading “the second time around.”

i am…

Addie will almost be six and a half. Cody and I will have been married a decade. It has been almost a year since I became at peace with it never happening again. I’ve become that story I hated so much “Well I know this girl who tried for five years, she finally gave upContinue reading “i am…”

when infertility affects friendships.

There isn’t much else out there like infertility. There’s no outward signs of it, it is both isolating and humiliating, many times there’s no logical explanation for it and most of all? Everyone has their own opinions on it. “Don’t give up hope!” “You worry about it too much, just relax, it will happen!” “IContinue reading “when infertility affects friendships.”

kindergoneden.

It’s official. I dropped her off for her first day of Kindergarten this afternoon. I am the mom of a school aged child. I don’t so much mourn the fact that she’s growing up (although it could slow down and I wouldn’t hate it.) It’s that I am supposed to be hugely pregnant right now.Continue reading “kindergoneden.”

lupron. just say “oh hell no.”

Hi. I don’t want to be writing this one. I’m kind of embarrassed and ashamed about a lot of it. You see, even though I talk openly about depression and infertility? I always harbored this silly little stereotype in the back of my head that said “depression is real, anxiety is not.” Yep. I figuredContinue reading “lupron. just say “oh hell no.””