depression – Page 5 – making unbreakable

one can’t forget about us.

This is a story I’d never thought I’d tell, either because it was too sacred or it would scare people off. A woman hearing voices while driving on the freeway tends to land her in the “yay! crazy!” sub genre of society. But allow me to explain. Cody and I had been married several years.Continue reading “one can’t forget about us.”

how to be depressed. part 2.

I have been medicated for almost two weeks. “They” say that it takes about 21 days for any new treatment to really make a difference. Hopefully “they” are right, because while I do feel much better and Cody hasn’t come home to me crumpled in a corner sobbing for two weeks…I still feel as thoughContinue reading “how to be depressed. part 2.”

how to be depressed. part 1.

I feel I need to mention that my last OB dyed his hair black and on regular occasion missed enormous graying chunks. He sang a little song to the nurses in the delivery room as he was suiting up to get Addie out and he had a total Tom Selleck mustache. I’m taller than myContinue reading “how to be depressed. part 1.”

when your only option is through.

My dad does this thing where if I complain about something he comes back with “Well at least you…” “It’s so hard having Cody gone at school all the time.” “Well at least you know where he is, he’s not off in Afghanistan somewhere getting shot at.” “Addie won’t sleep, she’s up crying every nightContinue reading “when your only option is through.”

enveloped.

It feels as though there are invisible hands choking me. The grip is tighter sometimes than others. At this moment? It’s tight. I’m afraid to move for fear of it truly overtaking me again like it did on Friday. It gets tighter when Cody isn’t next to me. And at the moment he’s not. AndContinue reading “enveloped.”

smile later.

Even the soap is bossy. I am not well. I have over 300 unread and unresponded to emails. I collapsed in Cody’s arms today. I kept thinking I could pull myself out. I just needed one more day. But this isn’t going away this time. And it’s bad. Addie is witnessing it first hand, herContinue reading “smile later.”

staring down an elephant.

For anyone who’s wondered if they’re the only one that has had to stay silent and focused on something while someone else was around so you wouldn’t start inconsolably crying? You’re not. To anyone else who has wondered if they’re the only one who has held their breath while being hugged so that they wouldn’tContinue reading “staring down an elephant.”

doughboy pokes, depression and my belly.

I have felt pretty fantastic for the last few months, emotionally at least, physically? Not so much. And when I say I’ve felt emotionally fantastic I mean in regards to depression because to be honest there was a three week time between positive pregnancy test and chilling the chill out that I wasn’t so funContinue reading “doughboy pokes, depression and my belly.”

falling, failing.

I’ve slipped. I haven’t gone down yet, but I certainly feel as though I am falling in slow motion. I’m still not sure if I’ll catch myself or not. The thing is, reaction to stress and fatigue can feel very similar to depression. Regardless, I’m not doing well. Seeing my Aunt Cheryl’s death certificate wasContinue reading “falling, failing.”

this is who you are.

I recorded this late one night after a particularly wonderful day. I’m so glad that I did. Maybe you’ve heard talk of a new reality show that’s casting, and they’re looking for moms in the social media realm. The requirements were that we post a vlog about the story we have to tell and thatContinue reading “this is who you are.”