Category Archives: depression

I was supposed to be on a direct flight from Indianapolis to Salt Lake City Friday morning with Addie and Vivi for a wedding on Saturday, Addie was going to fly home alone on Monday and I was going to stay behind with Vivi until Saturday. Because of weather the flight was cancelled Thursday eveningContinue reading “weak, strong, three to two.”

My anxiety is not well managed AT ALL. Which leads to all sorts of fun things and by fun things I mean fear of doing anything. When I think about how long it took to get my depression under control (11 years of constant effort, thank you) the thought of finding a way to controlContinue reading “garlic and sewer anxiety.”

Vivi and I are figuring out a system. One element of that system is that she now showers with me, strange, but kind of a must given that her favorite thing to do in my room when left unattended is turn the volume dial on the stereo all the way up, then turn the stereoContinue reading “the one about thanking the ugly for all of the lovely.”

It’s like juggling. (I mean, not really because I can’t juggle.) Maybe it’s like that Simon game, did you ever play that? It had four different colored lights and sounds and it would give you a pattern, you’d have to follow the pattern back and every time you successfully did it would add a newContinue reading “simon says keep fighting”

I’m attempting to make a photo book beginning with my pregnancy and ending with Vivi’s first birthday. I’ve printed out a few photos here and there and every time I do I’m genuinely shocked that they actually look good printed out and that hey, maybe I am pretty good at this taking pictures thing. I’veContinue reading “i promise to do good.”

I am back. And not just a “I am back on my own blog after spending five days in Nashville” kind of way. No, *I* am back. The girl I like taking places and introducing to people. The girl that likes to hang out with her friends, make new ones and dance. Oh how IContinue reading “the bearable lightness of happy”

December 14th, 2010 ended with me sitting on the edge of a bathtub in heavy heaving sobs. Addie turns seven years old tomorrow and as I said last week, this transition from six to seven has been hard from the moment she turned six last year. After doing everything in my power to give herContinue reading “b-day d-day”

It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling tops lately. When I try to narrow it down to just one or two things that are really doing it for me…I can’t. I think I’m just at a point where everything seems to be humming along at a manageable pace. Yet at the same time I amContinue reading “hey you…with the happy face…what gives?”

I was once accused of doing “it” wrong by a nurse while I was inpatient at a Utah hospital. “It” being my recovery. She came in after one of my group therapy sessions and asked what I had been working on. I told her that during the group session I realized just how much IContinue reading “to feel the way sweet tastes.”

I could tell by her face that she was tired. And not the kind of tired you can fix with a good night’s sleep. The kind of tired that breaks you from the inside. The kind of tired you can’t easily fix. The kind of tired you contain within your whole being, even when itContinue reading “breaking early to be strong later.”