depression – Page 2 – making unbreakable

update, vices and diseases.

Everyone has a vice for dealing with feelings. Booze, shopping, eating, drugs, sex, sleeping — or more beneficial ones like gardening, reading or working out. Mine has been sleeping for a long time — that is until last week when I began the switch to a new medication and sleep has become almost impossible. I’veContinue reading “update, vices and diseases.”

i am depressed, and pissed.

Let’s just get this out of the way. Yesterday I was lying in bed as I thought how much easier it would be if I just took all the pills in my medicine cabinet and ceased to exist. It’s been a long time since I’ve had those thoughts. So long in fact I thought itContinue reading “i am depressed, and pissed.”

on fearing and finding.

It’s a very strange thing to have really big emotions. When you’re young they’re looked upon as a flaw or weakness, and it continues that way until you’re grown — unless you learn how to use them. I’m still trying to figure out how to use mine. Creativity seems to be the best outlet forContinue reading “on fearing and finding.”

sad, tired, weak and kind of scared.

I’m not feeling very brave lately. I don’t like myself very much right now, but I don’t admit that out loud partly because saying something out loud makes it more true and also because I’m trying REALLY hard to be a good example to my girls. But to be honest it’s chewing away at meContinue reading “sad, tired, weak and kind of scared.”

of biscuits and birds

After this past weekend in South Carolina, I wouldn’t be surprised if I eventually become MooshInCharleston.com. It should also be mentioned that if I did move to Charleston I would also become very unhealthy because biscuits at every meal. My dryer seemed to have worked overtime while I was away because my pants are allContinue reading “of biscuits and birds”

depression: an update

So, that funk I am in, how’s that working out for me? It’s okay. As long as I remember to breathe deeply and keep moving forward. At first all I wanted to do was sleep. SLEEEEP. Then I couldn’t sleep at all, which is TERRIBLE because you’re left thinking your own thoughts all alone inContinue reading “depression: an update”

waffles and waiting.

Depression smells like waffles, because that’s what Cody makes for everyone when I’m too sad to function. Tonight was supposed to smell like barbeque, fresh peas and watermelon. But sad won. I haven’t lost it completely, I haven’t broken down into that terrible ugly cry that requires a dozen tissues and causes your eyes toContinue reading “waffles and waiting.”

sometimes is when we need the always

For about six to ten hours of each day Vivi is replaced by something that yells and screams too much, cries a lot, and demands everything. We’re in 100% toddler survival mode here. Today I had to carry her out of Home Depot under one arm as she screamed, kicked, and flailed to release herself.Continue reading “sometimes is when we need the always”

fireworks for good.

Grief and sadness is a terrible thing in and of itself. It’s hard to know where and when to stop being happy because other people are so sad, sometimes other people close to you are sad which means you should probably adjust the amount of happiness you’re capable of to better match the sadness ofContinue reading “fireworks for good.”

an unfamiliar stumble.

So this one’s new. My entire body is completely and utterly depressed while my brain stays afloat in a little pharmaceutical lifeboat tossed around on a sea of misery. Think Life of Pi minus the tiger. (Sub in a one eyed cat with thumbs if you must.) I still have my wits about me, butContinue reading “an unfamiliar stumble.”