TW: suicide/suicidal ideation This morning, I looked at what it would take to buy a gun in Indiana. A few hundred bucks and my driver’s license that matches my mailing address, and I could have a gun by noon and be dead by one*. I wonder how well I could hold it together. How wellContinue reading “choosing to live as rebellion.”
Category Archives: depression
a psychedelic coming out.
I keep coming back with this boundless optimism that I have survived every terrible thing I thought would end me up to this point, so why should this be any different? It may look different than I had anticipated, it may take a little longer, but if I know one thing, it’s worth it to keep going.
State of the Human Address.
It’s a pretty solid sign of the times when your once thriving little corner of the Internet displays ‘ACCOUNT SUSPENDED’ because you have successfully (albeit accidentally) avoided adding auto-pay to your account for over a year. Since you’re reading this rather than ‘ACCOUNT SUSPENDED’ I’ve clearly accomplished something today. I’m starting out this year 40Continue reading “State of the Human Address.”
Can I Fix It With A Sandwich?
I like helping people. I like volunteering for stuff. Particularly when it comes to feeding people. Whenever sign-up sheets went around in church for a pitch-in, potluck, taking a meal to a family, or hosting the missionaries for dinner I always signed up. For me, feeding people is the easiest and best way to showContinue reading “Can I Fix It With A Sandwich?”
reset.
It’s hard to go forward without really knowing what happened. Last year I was sexually assaulted. What has been worse for me than the physical trauma of the act has been the deep psychological damage. The best way I have been able to describe it to anyone is that an electric mixer was put toContinue reading “reset.”
lost and finding.
It has been exactly two years since everyone in my life lost the version of me I had worked so hard to bring to life. Many good people have stuck by me. New friends claim I’m perfect the way I am and that they are honored to know me now, as someone who has goneContinue reading “lost and finding.”
things become less scary when we talk about them.
If you suspect someone may be hurting themselves, or considering hurting themselves — either through self-harm or suicide there’s an (I can’t believe I’m about to use the word easy) easy way to approach the conversation. “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been down lately. Is self-harm or suicide something that has crossed your mind? I don’tContinue reading “things become less scary when we talk about them.”
the importance of being able to speak our crazy out loud
The other morning a friend messaged me worried she was going crazy, she and her family had just moved across the country for her husband to begin his residency which left her home alone with multiple kids, one of them a small baby. “I keep thinking maybe he’s cheating on me. I’m paranoid. I wantContinue reading “the importance of being able to speak our crazy out loud”
one step forward, two steps back.
The other night I got down on the floor and played with Vivi. She laughed, no one cried and I actually enjoyed myself. Yesterday I went to the gym and did my first full circuit since the sads really knocked me down. Up until yesterday the most I could convince myself to do was walkContinue reading “one step forward, two steps back.”
frogging and the fight.
Cody attempted to distract me several weeks ago with a camping trip. A few things we had going for us: – We were both raised on camping, nothing about it intimidates us and it’s one of the things we miss most about living in Utah. – We own all appropriate camping gear because we wereContinue reading “frogging and the fight.”
making unbreakable - formerly moosh in indy. 