I stood up in church on Sunday and thanked God for the perfectly simple life I have at the moment.

I know that the perfect or the simple part won’t last forever and that in any given day there can be imperfections ranging from mild to overwhelming.

But I am happy.

And I would be a horrible person if I didn’t look around at all that I have and not revel in gratitude. Today was one of those days when stuff got done. The laundry is all folded and put away, a majority of major surfaces are tidy and swept and everyone had a pleasant attitude and three square meals.

I feel as though the things I love have swelled up like toasted marshmallows and swallowed everything else that is unpleasant and painful.

I am being smothered by puffy love marshmallows.

I get to wake up and spend 7 uninterrupted hours with this face. This perfect chubby face. She sings to me, I kiss the bridge of her nose. She lays her head on my chest and I tickle her back until she snorts.

At two o’clock the big one comes home and I get to spend four hours reveling in just how much the big one loves the little one. Addie would do anything for her baby sister, the love they share has thawed any cold places I ever had leftover in my heart.

At six o’clock the biggest one of all comes through the door, changes his pants and plays on the floor until both of them are fast asleep.

At eleven o’clock I get to crawl in bed with the biggest one, shove my cold toes between his knees and fall asleep curled up by his side. He lets me, even though I know he’s not comfortable and very tired of my cold feet invading his warm places.

As if that all weren’t enough to revel in everyday, there are these cats. These purring, furry, loving cats. Wink crawls between my legs as I sleep and purrs whenever I stir. Percy is famous for walking across my lap and rubbing his rumbling face so hard against my cheeks I can do nothing but abandon all I am doing and scratch his fluffy parts.

We’re not going anywhere for the holidays, which is fine, because I have more than I could ever need right here in these four walls.

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With the holidays approaching I am growing evermore thankful to have a family of my own, my life is full of simplicity and rich blessings and I have never been more content.  I’m grateful to be participating in this project with Hallmark to share my experiences with my life as a very special occasion.

(Giveaway over…Winner has been contacted, thanks for entering!)

I see you there with your phone hidden under the table.

You see, not too long ago I was hiding my phone under the table too.

While all my friends tapped out tweets and updated statuses on their fancy phones I could do exactly two things with mine.

A) Call people. B) Be called by people.

For one of you that is all about to change…because one of you will be winning a brand spanking new Motorola DROID RAZR from Verizon.

Continue reading “Motorola DROID RAZR (Giveaway!)”

Three years ago today I was in Los Angeles with Addie at her house celebrating her daughter’s first birthday with cream puffs and swag toy guitars.

154 days later I was back in LA at her daughter’s funeral.

Today would have been Maddie’s fourth birthday.

11-11-11.

Pretty cool day to have a birthday.

Her parents wrote a song and all proceeds from the purchase of the song will go to Friends of Maddie, a charity dedicated to make the life of NICU parents a little easier.

I miss you Maddie. You were the first baby I ever loved through the Internet.

I love you Heather and Mike.

You have and amazing big sister Annie.

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I went to elementary school with Amy, she’s having a brain tumor removed today. She has three little kids. Any spare love you have lying around sent in her general direction would be greatly appreciated.

There is this indescribable warmth that comes from holding a sleeping baby.

When you have to put them down you are left with this very odd sensation, sort of like being cold…but also that you are missing something.

I was supposed to take Vivi to the doctor yesterday for her 6 month visit but before we had to leave, this happened.

We were 20 minutes late to the doctor’s office. Sorry about that.

When it came time to put her to bed, again, I couldn’t put her down.

I held her as she slept until the big one insisted that I come downstairs and play with her.

She’s in her bed now, fast asleep and I am sitting here with that strange and cold empty feeling in my arms.

It’s not a sad feeling, or even a lonely one.

Even if I held onto her forever she’d still get bigger.

I spent so long without a baby that to spend any time without her now that she is here feels wrong.

These two.

They make parts of my soul tingle that have been dead for so long.