It’s the last day of our first ever cruise and it went by way too fast. It was lovely and magical and panic inducing and awkward and delicious and funny and strange and wonderful and life changing. It’s exactly what Cody and I needed and I now know for a fact that had we done something like this for our honeymoon or before we had kids? We would have never appreciated it the way we did.

I’ll probably write about it several times, because honestly too much happened to keep it all in one post and my mother in law is going to want to scrapbook it for us so really I’m doing all of this for posterity. There were highlights (too many to name) lowlights (three I can think of) and all sorts of stuff in between. But while it’s fresh, here’s what we did on our first ever seven day Western Caribbean cruise on the Carnival Legend.

Day 1 – Get on the boat! Dude, I’m not sure if it’s in the manual that cruise ships are supposed to be tacky, BUT WHOA WITH THE TACKY! It was wonderful! So much hot pink and gold and mirrors and SHIREEN! THERE’S FIBER OPTIC LIGHTS EVERYWHERE! Getting our bearings was a joke and if you want to see crazy? First day buffet on a cruise. *shakes head* If you’ve never been on a cruise and have any type of anxiety issue? Muster Drill is ship speak for “panic inducing.” There has to be a better way of performing muster drills because that was pretty much the worst thing anyone could have done to me on my first day of vacation. I recovered with a nap. It helped tremendously.

Day 2- ALL DAY ON A BOAT! One of the first things we saw? Dolphins off of our balcony. Cody went to the gym, I went to the “Adults Only” area of the ship. First speedo sighting was immediate. Wow! People are really comfortable with their bodies, I’m both comforted and horrified. We make friends with a couple from Texas named Linda and Larry who have been married for 40 years. They remain our only friends throughout the cruise. I really like Larry because he liked us and he didn’t seem to like much (except for coffee and helicopters.) We nap again. Because obviously.

Day 3- Cozumel! We dock in Cozumel and have to get off on the lowest level of the ship. It’s announced that the gangway will be closing in 15 minutes for an hour so get down there now if we want off the boat! We get to the bottom level and BOOM. Gangway closed. We’re absolutely surrounded by people with no personal space issues and I have a bit of a muster drill moment until some fool starts shouting at everyone to move up then everyone packs in tighter and I’m convinced that I’m never going on a cruise again and I also seriously consider drinking, heavily. The doors finally open and I bust free of ALL THE PEOPLE and Cody and I are headed to a private beach with all we can drink beverages (SO MANY PINA COLADAS!) the most amazing lunch and our own little straw hut. Mexican food in Mexico convinces me that all is right with the world, we swim, we relax, we drink more fruity frozen beverages, we head back to the ship happy, and then we nap.

Day 4- Belize! Hey, we’re in Belize. NO BIG DEAL. A catamaran picks us up to go snorkeling, more specifically a catamaran picks us up to take us to the MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN to go snorkeling. This is where I aside and say that I DO NOT LIKE THE OPEN OCEAN. But Cody convinces me to try new things so I agree to get tossed off a boat in the middle of the ocean. Once in the ocean I go into full snorkel business mode. SWIMSWIMBREATHESWIMSWIM. I had to consciously tell myself to stop and enjoy what was around me. I got kicked in the head twice, lose Cody and convince myself that I am not meant for snorkeling but snorkel my heart out to prove to Cody that I can do hard things and make the money we spent worthwhile. We get back to the boat and are taken to a private island where my faith is again restored in vacations and the country of Belize. Turns out the water was a little rougher because of a storm so perhaps I shouldn’t write off snorkeling in its entirety just yet.  Belize is really pretty. Tourists on catamarans who are offered unlimited rum punch are not so pretty. We get back to the ship: we nap. (I also fell down a flight of stairs this day, but more on that later.)

Day 5 – Roatan, Honduras! WE LIKE HONDURAS! Lots of mountains and a shipwreck and so many flowers and it’s so pretty and everyone is so friendly and we hang out on a beach and swim and snorkel some more. I realize that I like snorkeling as long as it isn’t in rough water and I spend nearly three hours face down in the water making friends with my Honduran fish friends. I’m also slightly smug because I am better at snorkeling than Cody. He says it’s because snorkel masks don’t fit his strong brow bone, I say sure of course that’s why. We don’t get to spend nearly enough time on Roatan but we are smitten. Cody picks out a really cool hand carved souvenir and we head back to the boat to (surprise!) nap. Bad news? I realize I failed to reapply adequate sunscreen to my rear end during my second two hours of snorkeling. Ow is the understatement of the century.  Naps are had by all.

Day 6 – Grand Cayman! Our expectations are pretty high after such a lovely day in Honduras, we load up on a bus that drives on the wrong side of the road (for us anyway) and head to another catamaran to be taken out to the open ocean and dumped in again. First stop? Stingray sandbar. THIS NEEDS TO BE ON EVERYONE’S LIFE LIST. Standing in the middle of the ocean in perfectly clear, perfectly warm and perfectly blue water on perfectly white soft sand as enormous stingrays come up and nuzzle you? Amazing. We were then taken a few thousand feet further out where we were dumped off the boat and allowed to snorkel in the most spectacularly clear, warm water with the most amazing coral gardens and fish. I am officially a snorkeler. When we get back to port we drink coconut water from a coconut, eat Caribbean meat patties and eat our body weight in gelato. Kiss kiss Grand Cayman, it’s been real. We don’t nap today because apparently it only takes 6 days on a real vacation to catch up on sleep. (!!)

Day 7 – Today (yesterday.)  Headed back to Tampa. It’s really almost over. It has been AMAZING. I’m so thankful that we were able to finally do this and truly appreciate it. That guy I married, gosh he’s a good one (he’s also coming back with two hickies, WHOOPS AND YAY!) There’s no one else I’d rather troll buffets at midnight or suffer muster drills with. We’re both coming back a little pinker in places, but the bags under our eyes have faded and we both miss our girls horribly.

Tomorrow (today) we wake up in Tampa with phone and data service. We’ll board a plane back to Indianapolis and we’ll be snuggled up with our babies before bedtime. We’re happier and even more in love than we were a week ago, and that’s good news for everyone (except my backside, but really, more on that later.)

I debated on what to do here while we were away, I’ve got a lot of good stuff in my archives (you know, since I’ve been doing this for six years (seven?)) but I couldn’t really decide what to put up. It’s like trying to pick your favorite of 1,000 children.

Say a little prayer for my mother-in-law that she survives Addie’s negotiations and Vivi’s tempers.

Cody and I are going to be together on a boat for a week.

ALONE ON A BOAT WITH NO RESPONSIBILITIES ASIDE FROM OUR OWN BODILY FUNCTIONS.

You guys, I am so excited.

This is not normal for us. We’ve never done anything like this before, we probably won’t be doing anything like this again for a very long time.

Let’s hope I don’t get seasick. Because dude, that would be awful. (We’re also a little worried about missing the boat, monkey attacks and drinking the wrong kind of water, honestly the monkey attacks are the most worrisome.)

Take care of each other and I’ll see you in a week!

(On Shutterlovely,I travel well with pimps and hos, but probably not my own husband.)

Emily, Shireen and I were all on a flight from New York City to Washington D.C. Sunday at 2 p.m., maybe. Times and dates are a little fuzzy right now. We boarded our flight to Indy around 4 p.m. as some spooky gray clouds were rolling in. Very long story abbreviated, we sat on the runway for 3 hours waiting for the spooky gray clouds to pass when it was announced “WE’VE BEEN CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF!” followed two minutes later by “SUCKAS! WE CAN’T TAKE OFF AFTER THREE HOURS ON THE RUNWAY! FLIGHT CANCELLED!”

They herded us off the plane, gave us a phone number to call and didn’t even say goodbye. Emily got on a flight through Charlotte that left within the hour, she was gone before I was even talking to a human. Shireen was told ten p.m. the next day was the first available while I was offered a flight to Cincinnati that night because “It was close enough.”
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After several minutes of stunned silence she offered me a flight to Indy through Charlotte at 4 p.m. the next day.

So.

In an attempt to find out what happens to luggage when all the flight plans go boom, we asked a gate agent what we should do.

“Why are you not on the 10 o’clock to Indy?” she asked.

“We’re not entirely sure.” we replied.

After a couple of phone calls and some frantic tapping away at her computer we were booked from Washington D.C. to Indianapolis at 10 p.m. that evening, except it had been delayed to 11;15 pm, WHICH WAS FIIINE! We were getting out of there! Hooray!

We sat at our gate and watched the previous plane leave and listened patiently as the gate agents estimated the arrival of our plane. Just after 11 p.m. our plane pulled in and they promised us a quick service turnaround and we’d be boarded and out of there by 11:15 p.m. I hadn’t even bothered to tell Cody the good news because I figured it would be a nice (albeit frightening serial killer-ish) surprise to crawl into bed with him at 3 a.m.

At 11:14 p.m. a woman with a strong Jamaican accent got on the intercom and announced “Flight 5718 to Indianapolis has been cancelled, go to the third floor to rebook your flight out for tomorrow.”

The end.

No explanation.

Boom.

The other 100 passengers groaned so loud the floor shook and staged an uprising, Shireen and I fell into fits of hysterical giggles, because clearly something like this would happen.

(Both photos of a delirious me in National by Shireen.)

We called and rebooked our flights, Shireen was offered 10 p.m. again while I was offered 3 p.m. through Philly. We worked together to get both of us on the Philly flight leaving at 3 p.m. and once it was all done? We were done.

As we stumbled to bag claim going over how many ways things could go more wrong, firemen showed up with axes because there was smoke pouring out of the elevators.

Because of course.

Once we found out our bags had moved onto Indy without us we realized we were in a strange town with a laptop, two smartphones, a stuffed bunny and a lot of lip balm. Someone had seen that we were in D.C. on Facebook and emailed me her phone number, you know, just in case. I’m not so sure she was expecting a call from a total stranger at midnight asking if she could come pick her and her friend up from the airport and oh by the way can we please sleep in your house and do you have a couple of spare toothbrushes we could use?

Chrysta (heretoforth dubbed the ‘Angel of D.C.’) pulled up in her light blue minivan and hauled us back to her house where the most amazing guest bed was awaiting us. Shireen and I stared at each other and both said “I’m sleeping in my underwear” at the same time, we then fell into bed and forgot where we were or how we got there for the next 8 hours.

In the morning Chrysta fed us breakfast, her three boys convinced me that I need a son and then she drove us back to D.C., only instead of dropping us at the airport I asked if she could drop us at the Lincoln Memorial.

Hey, when in D.C., you may as well see some of the sights.

We stared a Lincoln, made the Washington Monument into a unicorn horn, tried to squish it, then walked towards the other end when I turned and saw “That wall thing!” also known as the Vietnam Memorial.

Y’all, I’ve never been to D.C. and my travel weary brain could barely comprehend the amount of history surrounding me. I SAW THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE PENTAGON TODAY. Oh, and the Jefferson Memorial. What’s that thing down there? THE CAPITOL BUILDING OF THE ENTIRE NATION? NO BIG DEAL. Oh, hey there Smithsonian. Holla at the Department of the Treasury! FBI WHAAA! I could have spent DAYS there.

But we had a flight to catch.

Many of the outfits on our flight looked familiar, it was comforting to know we weren’t the only ones in day old underpants and the same outfits from the day before.

Cody was left to fend on his own for one more night with a sick grouchy baby, a big kid who wanted to her mom and I’m pretty sure I owe my neighbor a weekend spa retreat for taking on a sick baby at the last second since Cody had a trial first thing in the morning.

The situation could have been a little better, but it also could have been A LOT worse. I could have had Vivi with me. I could have been alone. I could have been in a crummy city where I didn’t know anyone, I could have been without a cell phone, I could have been rerouted through Vegas, a plane could have crashed or my baggage could have been lost, but none of that happened. I was told I couldn’t get ice cream from an ice cream shop in the Philadelphia airport because it was frozen (seriously.) but that was the extent of our woes today.

What did happen were 36 hours of chaos that were completely out of my control and I made the best of it. I mean, if you have to spend the night in a strange city flying by the seat of your very dirty pants? It may as well be with one of the best people who has ever come into your life and who agrees to squat down in a photo so the Washington Monument looks like a unicorn horn coming out of her head.

Shireen: “You know who else got to go to Washington D.C. after BlogHer?”

Me: “Who?”

Shireen: “NO ONE.”

I’ve started to feel as though everyone on the Internet is omnipresent in everything I do since I do so many things in so many different places. Can’t find me here? Look over there! Not there? Try here! Don’t forget about here and here and sometimes here and always here except when I’m not. Phew. August isn’t planning on letting up AT ALL which is fine because I’ll start the month of in New York and then spend the middle part of it on a boat in the middle of the ocean with this handsome guy I’m married to with absolutely no Internet connection. (I mean, there will be one but the Internet isn’t worth $0.75/minute to me when I have the option of drinking frozen fruity beverages in the sunshine while pretending I’m a childless newlywed who hit the husband jackpot for an entire week.)

I love meeting real people when I’m out and about in the world. Just this weekend we went to the mall and I met Stephanie and Erin. I wish I could have taken them to get an Orange Julius and asked them all about their lives, their passions and their families, after all, they pretty much know everything about mine, it doesn’t seem fair I don’t have the chance to know their story as well. Speaking of stories, last week I was all “AH! PANIC ATTACK ALONE IN THE AIRPORT!” and so many of you were all “AAH! I’VE GONE THROUGH HORRIBLE STUFF ALONE IN PUBLIC AS WELL!” and then the universe was all “BOOM! POP QUIZ!” when I walked in behind a lady at the drugstore who COMPLETELY wiped out as soon as she hit the linoleum.

I was on the ground with her, picking up her stuff, offering to call people and bossing the store employees around to “GET THE WOMAN A CHAIR ALREADY!” before the automatic doors had even closed behind me. What sucks is she was just coming to drop off a prescription, you know, because she HAD JUST BROKEN HER FOOT they day before. *sigh* I wish I could have done more, like unbreak her foot or unfall her fall but alas I didn’t get those superpowers.

Aside: Have I ever told you that Cody watches Teen Mom loyally?

Last but not least, before I head off to New York I have to tell you about the lovely company that asked if they could sponsor Emily and me this year. Dolphin Organics specializes in completely natural baby care products that I’m obsessed with. I’ve talked about them before here, as well as here, and really honestly here. This is the kind of sponsorship I feel really good about, they sponsored BlogHer last year and still wanted to have a presence this year. If you’re going to be in New York this week and will have your baby with you, a baby at home, a baby in your belly or perhaps a birth mother’s belly? Find Emily or me so Dolphin Organics can send you a little something when the conference is over. We’ll also have their Simply Citrus line with us so you can smell how good chemical free baby lotion can smell. (Dolphin Organics is a 1 on the EWG Skin Deep Database.)

I really like you guys. Thanks for sticking around. You’re wonderful, every single one of you. One of the most peaceful moments at the EVO conference was knowing that even if all the money, the stuff, the opportunities and the jobs went away tomorrow I’d still be here. Right here. Right where I started six years ago and where I’ve been ever since.

So this was my first month officially writing for Disney Baby and you guys? It’s a lot different but it’s lovely. I share the space with some amazingly lovely people and the site itself is pretty, easy to navigate and the content is right up my alley. Here’s a few things I’ve covered so far:

Vivi has a passionate and intense love for…cans. Yeah. Cans.

Vivi headed into a fountain fully clothed, oh to be the second baby.

Flying with babies, the honest truth. You know, after I was able to take a deep breath and recover from Sunday’s flight.

When baby goes to grandpa’s. A photo essay of Vivi’s trip to Utah. (Seriously? This new slideshow format will MELT YOUR MIND. I promise. It’s amazing!)

Of molars and moaning. See also: Top molars? COME IN ALREADY.

Addie and Vivi skyped while we were in Utah and Addie was in Indiana. It was just about the cutest thing online.

Vivi loves babies. Big babies, little babies, real babies and doll babies. (The doll babies are safest around her.)

Vivi vs. Addie *ding ding* Vivi’s defense tactics against her overly affectionate sister.

 

Do you have friends that you’d do just about anything for?

Emily and Shireen are two of mine.

We’re all headed to BlogHer next week in New York City and Windows is offering up a once in a lifetime chance for five attendees.

Head to toe makeover, clothes, a celebrity stylist, a new computer…dude.

If there is anyone who deserves this, it’s Shireen. Holy cow I love this girl, if you know her then you’ll know why.

Emily and I had to write a post or make a video to enter her, we decided to go the video route and here it is:

Emily and I would love any and all support you could show Shireen in this contest. She’s an amazing girl, but you already know that because you watched the video right?

Her 30th birthday is coming up at the end of August and hopefully this contest can jump start 30 into being her best year ever.

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In writing this post, I’m entering into the Microsoft Windows Style Makeover Sweepstakes for a chance to win a head to toe makeover. (For Shireen.)

 

Vivi is officially a horrible flier. I gave her a pass on horrible flights one and two, but flights three, four and six were all equally as terrible. Notice how I left the fifth flight out? Yeah, that’s because horrible isn’t an adequate enough adjective for how bad our flight from Salt Lake to Chicago was last night. You guys, she SCREAMED the entire flight. And not just gentle complaints, but backwards head throwing screaming at the top of her lungs so loud people probably thought I was smuggling razor blades in her intestines.

She’s getting her top molars which has to have contributed to the misery but YOU GUYS. I did my best. Oh my gosh I did my best.

Once we got off the plane I realized because of delays in Salt Lake I didn’t have 40 minutes between flights, I had 4.

The thought of immediately getting on another plane with Vivi sent me into sobbing fits. I was all alone. I had at least another hour on a plane with her. I haven’t cried that hard in a long time.

I’m not even sure I’ve cried that hard in public, ever.

Despite dozens, if not hundreds of people seeing me crying while pushing a stroller through the terminal, no one said anything. One flight attendant on my flight was gracious enough to ask if I was okay, take my bags and get me some water.

When someone is visibly sobbing it’s not like someone who may or may not be pregnant, something is clearly going on. You say something, you do something. You don’t just look the other way because emotions make you uncomfortable. I have sat with many people in many different places who have been crying. With a mom who lost her son in Disneyworld, another woman who was having a panic attack in the Chicago Children’s Museum, one woman who was simply having a hard time at Blissdom and I hugged another mom when she got a call that her son was being rushed to the ER for a severe cut on his finger.

If you’re having a hard time? I hug.

I’m a hugger.

Even if you’re a stranger.

I’m also a hand holder or shoulder patter.

Someone once told me that it had been months since they had had any physical contact with another human. We’re not even talking physical bow chicka contact, we’re talking a hug or a hand hold. This wasn’t a smelly mean person either, this was a normal well adjusted human whom I like a lot. Just because someone is of a certain age, has a partner, kids or still lives at home doesn’t mean they get the physical interaction we all need as humans. Hugs can change lives. Hand squeezes can brighten dire situations.

I’m not saying you should make out with strangers or hug crying women in the airport for an awkward amount of time…but you guys. We’re all in this together, so why did I go through a panic attack in a very public place alone last night?

What stops you from helping people or reaching out?

(I should mention that when it comes to people asking for money, I’m more than happy to buy them food or a cup of coffee, or offer them food or bottled water I keep in my car.  (Literally, beggars can’t be choosers right?) I have been told “I don’t want food, I want a dollar.” more than I have been taken up on my offer to buy/give food. Well then. Responses like this keep a tiny little cynic alive inside me.)

So. That conference I went to last week, I thought it was this week.

That is until I realized my mistake last Monday night, two days before I was supposed to be at my conference. Whoops.

I mean, I’ve had a lot going on, something had to go wrong. I just never thought nearly missing a conference I was a keynote speaker at by an entire week would be the one that fell through the cracks. (I honestly thought it would be something related to my kids or laundry.)

Anyway, I freaked out about my five minute keynote for about 48 hours, realized there’s nothing more I could do about it and this is what I ended up with:

It felt so good to do it, but man I was glad when it was over. (Also I can’t thank all of you who were so kind to me afterwards, knowing it was so well received made (and still makes) my heart sing.)

(Also, sorry camera guys for all the pacing, and my pointed finger? I call that my bossy finger. It comes out when I’m being bossy. Bossy, bossy, bossy.)

xo

There was a conference in Park City, Utah this past weekend called EVO.

It’s the same conference I went to two years ago when I first found myself again and at the end of the conference I made this video.

At the end of this year’s conference I feel as though I have been dipped in chocolate and shellacked in a bright candy coating of impenetrable happiness.

I want to put it into words. SO MANY WORDS.

But for now this photo will have to do:

I am so, so, happily exhausted. (My professional running man s-k-i-l-l-s may or may not have something to do with it.)

Did I meet you? Gosh I liked meeting you. Especially you, yeah, you know who you are.

 

“DADDY LOOK!”

“Whoa, is your Barbie pregnant?”

“YEAH!” (running away) “She’s a pediatrician!”

“A teenage Christian!?”

“NO! A PEDIATRICIAN! A BABY DOCTOR, DAD.”

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Over yonder on Shutterlovely, how my great grandmother’s tragedy helped me heal and why I’m on birth control for a boat.