i am…

Posted bycasey coombsPosted ininfertility, pregnancy

Addie will almost be six and a half.

Cody and I will have been married a decade.

It has been almost a year since I became at peace with it never happening again.

so...

I’ve become that story I hated so much “Well I know this girl who tried for five years, she finally gave up and it happened.”

I know the physical ache that this has caused some of you to feel. Oh, how I know. And I hate that I caused it.

I’m no longer allowed to sit with the infertiles, even though I was a spokesperson and card carrying member for years. However I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to take my place on the other side either…I’m listening too closely for the shoe to drop.

Turns out that getting pregnant after so long comes with a whole new deluge of emotions. Ones I didn’t see coming. Ones even fewer people understand, let alone talk about.

Ones I’m in therapy for.

I’m done choking on all these emotions silently. Because I know if I’m choking? There’s hundreds more of you out there choking as well. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, I hate feeling alone. And if I have to be the first one to say it? Then so be it.

I am finally pregnant after almost five years of secondary infertility, and I’m scared.

I also know somewhere deep down inside there’s a reason people keep having babies and there’s a reason people get so excited at the announcement of a new pregnancy.

I’m going to have to go off that knowledge, and off your excitement until I’m there too.

413 thoughts on “i am…”

  4. Oh Casey! I’m so so happy for you. As one who has been on both sides of the fertility fence, I have some idea of what you are experiencing. But I am just so so happy for you. Congratulations!

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  5. I am so very, VERY happy for you. I wish you a happy, healthy baby and, just as important right now, a pregnancy that doesn’t have you lying in the fetal position under the toilet.

    Much love to you.

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  8. So…this post…made me cry…AGAIN! I’m only a crybaby because I love you so much, you know that right? And I refuse to let any shoes drop on you! You are in a no-dropping-shoes zone. I forbid it!
    Love you babe, and I’ll see you soon.

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  9. Casey,

    Big hugs and big grats to to you! I’m so happy for you! Your honesty and bravery about your struggles have helped me in ways you may never know. I hope you find peace and then overwhelming joy over this new life you’ve created. You deserve all the good things and happiness in the world.

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  11. OMG, I just gasped out loud in the office and have no way to describe to my cubemates why. I’m very happy for you and I’m also nervous and worried and scared for you too – but it’ll be okay. Cuz I know you can do this…. wow.

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  13. OHMYGOSH! How can I be so excited about a pregnancy announcement for a woman I’ve never met? My heart literally jumped into my throat and tears stung my eyes when I read this. PRAISE GOD! This is an amazing miracle, and I know I’m not alone in being thankful and excited for you!

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  15. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Holy cow! What great news! I’m so excited for you!

    I know the fear and deluge… Coming from one who has been to hell and back, it will be okay, no matter what. You will ALL be okay.

    But we need the deets! How far along? When are you due? How did you tell Cody? Does Addy know?

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  18. Congratulations, Casey. I realize this has brought on a deluge of mixed emotions for you, but I know you will be fine and I know God is with you always. ALWAYS.

    Hugs to you, Cody and Addie. You will always be special to me.

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  23. OH there are no words for the amount of excitement I have for you!

    I remeber telling you that it CAN happen after I gor pregnant with Eden after 7 years of trying.

    Oh Casey, I am over the moon, happy as shit for you all and I look forward to weekly belly shots!

    congrats momma!

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  24. Squeeee!!!!! I’m so happy for y’all!

    It OK to feel weird about this. It’s a huge deal and takes some sorting out. I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s felt this way, either. Just keep being you and we’ll keep loving you.

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  27. SO very happy for you! And THANK YOU for sharing your good news. It gives me hope, tells me not to toss in the towel because you are proof that miracles ARE possible and they still happen every single day. Congratulations. Your little Addie will be the perfect age to be the best big sister and jr mama that a little one could ever have.

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  29. I am so unbelievabley thrilled for you. I wish I could come hug you right now. This news? It made my day. Truly. I heard it first thing this morning and I though, how amazing, how miraculous. Just plain awesome.

    Huge hugs to you my friend. Much love to you all.

    ps. My oldest and youngest are almost seven years apart. They absolutely adore each other.

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  33. I know I’ve already DM’ed you and @’d you and all that to the point where if you were me, I’d totally be like “okay, even *we’re* not that happy, shut up already..” but seriously.

    I know you’re scared to be happy about this. It’s okay. It’s 100% okay.

    I’ve been reading your blog since The Treadmill, and that was a really freaking long time ago, I think. I’ve relied on your archives for faith inspiration when I lost everything that mattered in my personal life, and you were there. I still have a “Moosh” folder in my email with your notes of love and encouragement and spiritual guidance.

    I’ve read through all of your heartbreaking posts about wanting so badly to give Addie a sibling, to have another little squishy bundle of love to kiss on and and another heart to mold into the example of your own loving heart, and the second I read this, I couldn’t stop the tears for a good ten minutes or so.

    Even though we don’t know each other in “real life”, I am just as excited and thrilled for you and your family as I would be if my best friend in the world had called me to tell me the same news. I just wanted to tell you that, and to tell you that I will be praying for you and the Moosh clan for the next 8, 9, however many months.

    So very much love and prayers,
    Amber

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  36. Gah! Congratulations, I am so, so happy for you. It took 2 years to get pregnant with our first, and when I finally conceived via our 4th IUI, I had already given up in my heart. I was not even excited when I took the 7 pregnancy tests. I didn’t even tell my Mom until after I’d had 2 blood tests at the doctor. So, I can imagine the scary, the feelings you’re having. I believe they’ll pass and soon you’ll be in the happy place. Big hugs to you, and a happy, healthy 9 months!

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  37. Congratulations. I cannot describe how happy I am for you. It’s cheesy but after having discovered your blog almost a year ago, I feel as though I know you and am ecstatic for you.

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  41. Oh Happy Happy Day! Coming from someone who is still on the secondary infertility ride and is usually quite the bitter hag about these things I could not be happier for you. Yipppeeee!

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  43. Congrats! I actually just started reading you. Like today. But I wanted to say thank you. I swear reading that touched me like nothing else has. Every single word hit home. Thank you. For understanding. Knowing. Relating. And for the hope. I wish you all the best. You so deserve it.

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  45. I’m really really happy for you and Cody! And you’re right that a lot of us are choking – just on different things. Hang in there!

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  46. I am thrilled beyond thrilled! Seriously as soon as I saw the top of the picture the tears were welling. Sooooo happy for you, Cody and Addie too. My boys are 6 years apart. It really does offer awesome opportunities. Take care of yourself 🙂

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  48. Two of my favorite bloggers (you and Heather @ Babyslime) both announced their pregnancies today! Heather has chronicled her infertility issues as well as her love for photography. Kismet!

    Congratulations and best wishes on a healthy, non-emetic pregnancy!

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