Avoiding the flies on poo fallout.

Posted bycasey coombsPosted inToo lazy to label.

What you say: “If you do that one more time, WE WILL GO HOME.”

What you think: “For the love of Pete please KNOCK IT OFF because I spent an hour getting ready to come here and I really don’t want to go ten minutes after getting here.”

Anyone experienced with the 3′ and under set know that as soon as you bend one rule with a toddler they are on you like flies on poo. They suddenly feel entitled to get away with tantrum murder. I’ve been lucky thus far in my parenting career. Generally if I have “that tone” in my voice when telling the moosh to mind me she listens without further argument. And let me just tell you there have been moments when I had no consequence or punishment in mind, I just threw the “mom tone” out there hoping it would fool her. *phew* most of the time it does. But then there’s those times when you throw out a consequence that you don’t really mean, and you’re left praying that your kid shapes up or your faced with the flies on poo dilemma.

Take for example our trip to the pool today. We had finally gotten there (Have you ever taken a kid swimming? The toys, the sunscreen, the potty, the snacks, the swimsuit, the towels, the bikini line, THE UTTER PREPAREDNESS OF IT ALL.) and after an hour the lifeguards took a break and everyone was to get out of the pool during the guards break. the moosh pulled some attitude after I told her to get out of the pool.

“You pull attitude again, we go home.” I said (thinking that would be enough to set her straight, HA HA said the parenting gods.)

She did the ugly grunt/growl at me, stomped her foot, scrunched her nose and yelled “NO!”

Decision time.

Two hours to get to the pool for only one hour of swimming. Do I abandon all that hard work on principle?

Yes, yes I do. Flies on poo Casey, flies on poo.

“I asked you not to be mean, we’re going home.”

Cue the tears. OH THE TEARS. To see the moosh with her wet mop of curls, over sized mermaid sunglasses, wrapped in a pink beach towel with her chubby thighs sticking out bawling the saddest cry a small person is able to muster is a sight no one can look away from. People want to hug her, give her candy and unicorns. (I want to hug her and give her candy and unicorns too, but PRINCIPLE!) I’m left dragging a haggard, sad, chubby little water baby out of the YMCA all because she didn’t listen to me.

Now I’ve only had to abandon a well planned activity once before. It was the zoo, early last year. An hour to get prepared and travel there and less than ten minutes inside the gate when Tantrum War II broke out.

Principle sucks sometimes.

Another time the moosh was in her car seat just as we set out on a ten hour drive to Kansas City. Whatever she was doing was unacceptable and I turned to tell her “IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE…” I stopped myself. What the heck was I going to do to a kid strapped in a car seat? Leave her at the side of the road? She knew it too. She looked at me as if to say “You’ll do what MOM? Put me in time out? Really? I’m right here. No going anywhere. Bring it.”

But I’m pleased to say that the moosh listens perdy darn well for a three year old. And if it takes days like today to give merit to my scary mom tone then so be it.

You’ve done this too right? Everyone? The whole “I’m saying it but I really don’t want to mean it” thing? How scary is your scary mom tone?

64 thoughts on “Avoiding the flies on poo fallout.”

  1. I’m not there yet… although I think my mom tone needs some work. My son doesn’t get scared until I get out of me seat and head towards him. Then he drops whatever he has that he’s not supposed to and runs the other way!

    Krista’s last blog post..The Mexican Lunch

    Like

    Reply

  2. My tone… It’s scary! Pretty dang scary. I have it down to an art form. I totally agree though. Once you use it enough, you have to contemplate its power before you through it out there. Way to be a strong mommy and push through the burn. Sometimes it bites to be hard core, but it totally pays in the end. (At least I hope it does) 🙂

    Jennie’s last blog post..Dream Night at the Zoo

    Like

    Reply

  5. Nate had an episode with Cory when he was 3 that he loves to tell about Cory shoplifting a tube of cherry ChapStick because mean old daddy bought him Carmex and he really REALLY had to have the cherry ChapStick.

    Nate had told him no, and that he had Carmex at home, which of course, didn’t appease Cory one bit. Once they got out in the car, Cory was giggling and smiling, and pulled the ChapStick out of his pocket. Nate asked his mom if she’d bought it and she said no.

    So Nate made Cory walk back into the store, tell the lady behind the counter that he’d stolen the ChapStick, and that he was sorry. Even had the lady pretend to call the police LOL

    Cory never stole again.

    Like

    Reply

  6. yeah…i hate when i have to follow through sometimes. i wish i hadn’t chosen the consequences i chose. but i can say that all kids are different. one of mine didn’t even need to be told most of the time. just look at her funny, and she cried. one had to test the limits all the time…lots of consequences. the bad thing was when we were at places like the zoo and one kid ruined it for all of them. that was when we had to come up with ways the one kid could be punished, but we didn’t all feel punished! parenting…it’s hard work!

    natalie’s last blog post..Why we live in Turkey.

    Like

    Reply

  7. I’m not a mom yet, but I’m so glad to read this post! I wish my parents had disciplined me this way. It didn’t take me long to realize that their threats would never come to fruition, and I slowly took over the house. Of course I thought it was great then, but now I see that it was so destructive to our family and to my development. I’ve had serious issues trying to discipline myself as an adult, and that is really troublesome when it comes to things like eating well, exercise, daily prayer, house cleaning, etc.

    I’m sure it sucks to follow through with your threats, but the moosh will thank you in the end!!!

    Katie’s last blog post..He has not forgotten me…

    Like

    Reply

  9. I don’t really have a Mom Tone (well, technically I do, but me doing a Mom voice isn’t exactly fear-inducing, if you know what I mean) but I’ve been through the same things you have. We’ve packed up and abandoned our share of activities, shouldered the disapproving looks, all for the sake of principle. (I’ve even resorted – once – to saying, “Listen. You think you’re more stubborn than me? Ask your mother. NO ONE is more stubborn than me!” in the midst of a power struggle.)

    But for a few moments of embarrassment and a few lost events, we have a little girl who knows her limits… she still tests them from time to time, but she knows them and will fall back within them with little effort on our part.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Who’s Got Style?

    Like

    Reply

  10. Oh I have tone alright. Doesn’t usually get me anywhere though. But I have canceled playdates due to attitude, and I have put many a child in timeout and have taken away toys/tv/etc. I just wish that my kids would LISTEN so that I wouldn’t have to yell or use the tone. sigh.

    Kristin’s last blog post..Letters from Lawyers

    Like

    Reply

  11. I’m not a mom yet (insert pouty lip here) but I do teach Sunday School and it’s pretty funny sometimes. When disciplining, you can definately tell the difference between kids who don’t know me well yet (they fear me just because they fear the unknown), kids who know I know their parents well (and they know I know their parents would support dishing out the time out they deserve), and the kids who know me well but know I don’t know their parents well (they know I’m not comfortable with being super strict).

    And then there’s that kid who knows I’ll forget about him once he’s set in time out. Yeah, that’d be my pastor’s oldest son. He punched me in the butt once and I told him, “One, you don’t ever touch girls there. Two, you don’t ever hit.” So I put him in time out. Now, I don’t just sit a kid in the corner and think they’ll just sit there obediently. No, I draw a circle on the wall for their nose to chill in. So this poor child sat there, with his nose in this circle, hearing all the fun happening behind him… for twenty minutes. I feel so bad, to this day, and that was something like a year ago! But I’ll tell you what, he’s been an angel ever since.

    AG’s last blog post..Wedding Band Boo Boo

    Like

    Reply

  13. Oh, I suck at the follow through, you are my idol. But I routinely end bath early when my tomorrow-hes-two-year-old splashes too much and gets the walls and floor all wet. So maybe I’m a pushover in some areas only.

    Anna at Hank & Willie’s last blog post..Wheeeee!

    Like

    Reply

  14. I have totally been there! And I’m not a mom!

    I learned to lessen the threats. Example: time out in the car. Pull it over, and no one talks or anything until the screecher has calmed down. Or if you’re at the pool and you came in the car, it’s back to the car for time out.

    I’ve done that many a time. It can really work! Good luck with the little handful… I’d probably want to give her unicorns and candy too!

    Debbie’s last blog post..Thanks…

    Like

    Reply

  16. My mom voice works about 80% of the time. It kind of amazes me how well it does work. My 3yo Ella hates time out so that’s always my fall back consiquence when “the voice” doesn’t work as well as I would have hoped.

    Like

    Reply

  17. OH! This Sunday we left a graduation party(over an hour away! with family we hardly see!) after being there less than an hour. Eric didn’t even get to eat.

    I don’t know what got into my son…and we’ve only had to do that once before (leave somewhere after just getting there)…but I promise we were BOTH wishing he would just shape up so we could stay!

    Eric did call his aunt later to apologize and she just laughed (it was her son that graduated, and she has three other children as weel) and said that her favorite memory is leaving her favorite restaurant AFTER they had already ordered their food.

    It helps to know you’re not alone (well, if I’m being honest, it only helps a little).

    Like

    Reply

  18. The reason the mom tone works is because she knows you’ll back up what you say. I watched the parents of my students say things they didn’t mean and the kids basically rolled their eyes and did what they wanted anyway, which left it to me to try and keep them in line (so much fun in front of parents)! So yes, follow through! Because it’s a few tears now vs. a much less bratty moosh later on. My mother didn’t even have to use the tone – she quelled us with a look:)

    Mary Beth’s last blog post..THE UNEXPECTED MRS. POLLIFAX by Dorothy Gilman

    Like

    Reply

  19. My mom tone works sometimes. Other times I have had to do the dreaded “follow-through”. I have even left a cart FULL of groceries in the store before ( more than once ). I apologize to the staff, of course. But I am sure they would rather put away my groceries than listen to my squawling, bawling, fit-throwing kid for another half hour. ( I know I’ve felt this way about other people’s kids. )You’re doing the Moosh a favor that you just don’t see the results of yet. Just wait ’til the teen years!

    Like

    Reply

  21. You are completely right about the follow through. Sometimes it’s really not fun to have to leave after 10 minutes, but it shows them you mean business. I’ve learned, however, to be careful about what I threaten. Once I had to threaten to go sit in the car with my son while his friends enjoyed the kids’ museum because I KNEW I wasn’t going to drive away home with him since we all had lunch plans. He did have to sit in the car for 1/2 an hour with me in the end. That was loss enough.

    On the swimming front, I feel your pain. I have gotten myself into the insanity of taking the kids swimming three times a week — it’s their reward for good behavior at the daycare at the gym while I’m working out. It often takes longer to get them into their suits and sunscreen and lifevests and then back out again, showered, and redressed, then it does to swim. I ONCE threatened to take away pool privilege if they couldn’t behave. They didn’t. I did. They cried. And cried. But it worked; now I only have to threaten. The thing is, some days I almost WANT them to push that button one more time because the exhaustion of the pool trip is almost more than I can bear, which probably defeats the purpose, right? 🙂

    MommyTime’s last blog post..The incompetent gardener

    Like

    Reply

  22. This is one of the big things that turns me into Judgy McJudgerson. I get tense when I hear parents say “If you do that again we’re leaving”, and then they don’t follow through.

    It took only a few times of leaving lunch/dinner out, trips to the park, even Disneyland once, before my kids realize when I say we’re gonna leave, I MEAN IT.

    Bravo to you for following through. It’s painful now, but it’ll be much better down the road.

    all things bd’s last blog post..Monster Parents Unite

    Like

    Reply

  24. It’s 10x worse when it’s somewhere that you REALLY want to be, your husband doesn’t want to leave either, but you know you have to stick to your guns. Not only because it’s the right thing to do from a discipline standpoint, but because your little bundle of joy is acting like such a maniac that it’s not fair to those around you to subject them to their tyraid! We’re kind of in a tough spot becuase we’re one of the only ones in our friend set with a child and even though he’s always invited to cookouts and house parties, there is never anything for him to do, or anyone his age to play with (he’s not even 2 yet). So I end up chasing him around the yard for 2 hours while my husband hangs out with our friends and drinks beer. HAVE KIDS ALREADY, FRIENDS OF MINE!

    Erin’s last blog post..Taking a weekend off……

    Like

    Reply

  25. Good for you! Not enough parents back up their threats, and I see consequences of that in my classroom every day. I’m not a mom, but I have the teacher tone down! It doesn’t take my students long to figure out that I mean what I say, and yes there are times when I’m thinking “Come on, just comply – I don’t want to have to go through with this!” But I will if I have to!

    Like

    Reply

  26. Unfortunately I have used my mom tone too often because my 4 year old tunes me out if I am not stern. I usually come up with good punishments for her tantrums but sometimes I am left wondering what I can threaten next. My husband and I are usually good and making our threats comply with real punishments and sticking to them. Like leaving the store, no dessert, going home, no movies and going to bed early. It is hard to actually leave a fun place that I want to be, it has only happened a couple of times (thankfully).

    Like

    Reply

  28. Yeah for you on follow through! You KNOW you did it right, but it still sucks for you. My oldest (who is now 14) was about 5 when I hesitated (to come up with something in my head good enough to get her to stop whatever behavior, but something I could follow through with (I ALWAYS follow through!)) and she waited patiently, and wanted to know WHAT the consequence was, so she could decide if it was worth it to stop! So, I HAD to make it good enough to make her want to stop, just praying that she would stop! She’s a strong willed one, I’ll tell you. Now she’s a teen… and oh my, it gets better!

    Kids… 😉

    Christine’s last blog post..Guinea Keets – OH MY!

    Like

    Reply

  29. I am so happy to read this. One of the things I fear most is that I will have an insufficient mom tone. My Auntie tone…my counselor tone…my teacher tone…spot on.
    But when the adorable little rabble rouser is yours…well that is a totally different story!

    Clink’s last blog post..Six

    Like

    Reply

  30. yes! and my hubby is the WORST at this…he will say things like, you won’t play baseball this summer if you…blah blah blah.

    When I look at him and ask, do you really mean that? He always looks away. HELLO…AND YOU WONDER WHY THE KID DOESN’T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.

    However, I have been guilty as well…and add a second child to it. WHY should the one suffer and have opportunities taken away because the OTHER child isn’t listening. It is all so difficult!

    staciesmadness’s last blog post..Hand over Mouth

    Like

    Reply

  33. Mine is meritless. Merit…less. 😦 I suck at parenting. BTW…Chicago was REALLY a last minute thing for me, I almost didn’t end up going…with this “adoption” anyway…LONG long long freaking story. Loves to you.

    Kim’s last blog post..Holla! Chicag-a!

    Like

    Reply

  35. I have a bad habit of not following through. I am full of threats. But recently my ‘look’ has been working on my older boys (6&8). My 2 year old daughter – a whole ‘nother story.

    Like

    Reply

  36. I have an excellent mom voice. It works on any kid in the world (well, almost) – came from all the kids I’ve cared for.

    Mike just booms whenever he gets angry. And he gives forever punishments which everyone knows NEVER work. (“You’re never playing video games again!” “That’s the last time you’ll ever sleep at a friend’s house!”)

    Even still, we’ve been really lucky on the tantrum front. I can count on one hand (barely) the times Alyssa has had meltdowns and thank goodness they were all at home. And Nick has his share if hissy fits, but only a couple full-on tantrums (both in Wal-Mart. Both resulting in “store leaving” and “car whoopings”).

    But yeah, I’ve always tried to catch myself to make sure I follow through. Because I know how bad it gets when you don’t. Like the moms who are always, “I mean it! We’ll go home! Brady! I mean it! I’m not joking! Don’t do it again! No! Don’t do it again! Okay, NOW we’re really going home! I mean it!” – I just want to go over there and be like, “LOOK HERE, brat. Do what your mom is telling you to do or this scary stranger lady is going to put you over her knee!” (In the “mom voice,” of course!)

    Butrfly Garden’s last blog post..Empty Handed.

    Like

    Reply

  37. Hmmm, Heather. We’ll see if your “mom tone” keeps working after reading your comment!

    About how long it takes to get a kid ready, I have seen it with Maddie and my three year old nephew, and the only thing that takes longer to leave the house with is my senior citizen aged mother.

    Like

    Reply

  38. Oh, I love this post! So true… You have to follow thru or “score, 2 points for Kiddo!” We have a very precious stuffed “Black kitty” at home, and Black kitty has become our leverage. “Do you want Black Kitty to have a time out too??” Oh, the things we say….

    Like

    Reply

  39. I’m a stickler for follow-through, and my mean mommy voice is MEAN (and slightly loud.)

    I try to pick my “or else consequences” wisely. Usually I threaten to take away a toy or snack…I’ll threaten time out…but in the very worst behavior instances I’ll finally break down and threaten to leave. But ONLY in WORST CASE SCENARIOS because jeez louise it stinks to work so hard to get somewhere just to have to turn around leave.

    Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children’s last blog post..Parenting styles and friendships

    Like

    Reply

  40. i *try* to tailor my threats to punishments that i’m willing to follow through on…sometimes it comes back to bite me in the arse…such as last week when i took away my son’s precious xbox AND wii for an entire WEEK. what on earth was i thinking?????????

    ali’s last blog post..worth it. totally.

    Like

    Reply

  41. You know what – this is a fantastic post. Not that your other posts aren’t – but here you have managed to perfectly express that fine line that the “little darlings” always desire to cross. I wish I had your fortitude. I admit – I’ve caved in the past. But, I’m going to try and do better in the future. Thanks for the inspiration!

    calicobebop’s last blog post..Pants are tight – but I feel good!

    Like

    Reply

  44. Good for you for following through. It’s hard being consistent, and there’s no way we always are…but consistent MOST of the time matters. lol

    Getting ready for a pool outing is EXHUASTING!!

    Rhea’s last blog post..My First Catamaran

    Like

    Reply

  45. Sometimes I hate principle.

    I recently had to leave a park 10 minutes after getting there (most of which were spent in tantrum mode). I had to carry my 2 yr old to the car kicking and screaming. While people watched. It sucks. But, good job sticking to your guns. It’s not easy, but it’s the right thing to do. If it wasn’t, you’d have done it many more times than you have already.

    Rachael’s last blog post..TV Tuesday: Battlestar, Fear Itself, Top Chef

    Like

    Reply

  47. Ah yes, the threat. HAlf the time I am muttering under my breath “empty threat” cause I truly do not under any circumstances want to follow through. SOmeimtes I do, sometimes…I fail miserably.

    Jill’s last blog post..Perspective

    Like

    Reply

  48. Oh! I have a pretty mean “Mom tone”! My daughter KNOWS I mean business. Sometimes all I have to do is start counting with my fingers (not saying a word) and she jumps! I usually only have to get to 2! But, alas, all that scaryness doesn’t stop her from giving me some serious attitude sometimes! Shudder! Hate that! SOOO not looking forward to when she turns 12. There will be blood!

    Have been thinking about you! So relieved to know that you guys are ok! Miss you, Love you!

    Like

    Reply

  50. Ack, my 2-year-old is desensitized to “the tone.” *sigh* He ever-so-rarely listens, so when he actually does, I’m sure to praise him. Usually, the eternal-parenting-principle of counting works (you don’t want me to get to 3!), thank goodness.
    The poo-fly thing is a hovering possibility at all times. I, too, have had my bluff called.

    dana’s last blog post..Getting Ready for Baby

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment